Your last post sounded more upbeat! For me I have good days/minutes and bad days/minutes. Things seem to come in waves for me and I try to remember that when a bad one hits. Try to tell myself "its just a bad wave, it'll pass just like the others".
Had a thought regarding your emailing. If the urge strikes again, maybe you could write the letter but not send it. At least not right away. I read on some post that we should apply a 48 hour rule to making what we know is questionable contact. Or, come here and vent. (At least at DB you'll find people who understand - whereas your H is not likely to.)
Regarding the weight issue. I lost 25 pounds in a month. From what I've seen in the posts here, weight loss is very common. I wondered if you told your doctor what was going on with your husband? I know other posters have suggested counseling for your girls, especially the younger one. Even if you think things are "ok" and manageable right now, it wouldn't hurt to look into counseling so that you have someone you like if and when you feel you need it. Same for the lawyer. Talking to a lawyer is just that. Doesn't mean intent. It means education and empowerment. Never hurts to be prepared.
I saw that you visited my thread so you know we share in having teens' activities which our H's are missing. Thought I was going to cry last night when an older man brought his wife some hot chocolate... they were such a cute couple. (inner dialogue: this will pass, this will pass, think about something else, like how cold your toes are )
Hope you have a good weekend. Enjoy your daughters!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
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