W made a comment about helping me pay our debt but said it would be hard even though the mortgage payment won't be till December. Makes me believe W is going to try paying on her own. I will be in contact with our lender to make sure it's paid on time every month. I won't let the house go into foreclosure. I will force a sell or tell her I am moving at the point.
H: 35 W: 37 S: 7 T: 10 M: 8 OM: Apr. 29 2012 PA: Aug. 31 2012 DWord: July 29 2012 DWord on hold since Sept. 23 2012 DB'n Since October 8 2012
AS made a good point about me telling W that I am going to move back in but feel that would be the opposite of what I should be doing right now. I think the LRT is showing show signs of life and would hate to slow progress. I see both arguments so this is a very tricky proposition.
H: 35 W: 37 S: 7 T: 10 M: 8 OM: Apr. 29 2012 PA: Aug. 31 2012 DWord: July 29 2012 DWord on hold since Sept. 23 2012 DB'n Since October 8 2012
Maybe moving back in the house is becoming a better option now. At least you won't be paying the mortgage for a place where your W and her OM can meet so easily.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
OM just showed up at the house. Guess last night was just her seeing if I was still talking to her. Not sure how to handle this.
That is tough man. Were you there? At some point, you are going to have to have some boundaries. Don't let her get some of her needs met by you, and others met by OM.
Moving back into the house WITH her would not be a good idea right now, IMO. Sometimes, the physical separation is good. My point is that she needs to pay her way. She is choosing a path that will eventually lead to D if not changed. She needs to have a chance to see what that means.
I think that so many WAS's have a delusional idea in their heads about what life will be like without the LBS. Some think that they will have the same life style financially, some think that all of their unhappiness is going to go away, some think that their LbS is going to be their friend, etc. One thing that I learned is that I had to let my W get a glimpse of what life would be like without me. That was hard, and sometimes I didn't do it well. But what I was able to do in that regard was important to W finally coming around.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Thanks for the advice Denver. I have a close neighbor that informed me OM showed up. I don't think moving back in will help the the situation at all. She knows how to play mind games with me and physical separation will allow me to be in control. I think I may need to go dark for awhile and let her see that I won't be around for her when she wants to take me off the shelf.Like you said, she needs to know what life will be like without me in it.
H: 35 W: 37 S: 7 T: 10 M: 8 OM: Apr. 29 2012 PA: Aug. 31 2012 DWord: July 29 2012 DWord on hold since Sept. 23 2012 DB'n Since October 8 2012
I used to get so angry when I knew OM was with W but it didn't bother that much tonight. My S and I went to a college hockey game and had a blast. This community has been amazing and I am so glad I found it. Arsene, moving in would stop the OM from disrespecting my house but don't think it would benefit the sitch. I think going dark for a while and only discussing bills and S through text is what I will do. No more favors no more conversations till OM is gone. I need to work on my boundaries, even though she will lie and manipulate the truth. Believing nothing they say and 20% of what they do is so true with my W right now. Tomorrow will be interesting as we will see each other as I drop our S off at W's house.
H: 35 W: 37 S: 7 T: 10 M: 8 OM: Apr. 29 2012 PA: Aug. 31 2012 DWord: July 29 2012 DWord on hold since Sept. 23 2012 DB'n Since October 8 2012
Do you know if she sees OM at the house while S is with her?
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
No W said she wouldn't bring OM around S. S has never mentioned someone else at the house and we are very close. Last night s asked why W switched days with me and he remembered the game. Then said I guess the home team is more important to W then I am. It broke my heart. I reassured him that nothing would ever be more important than him to me.
H: 35 W: 37 S: 7 T: 10 M: 8 OM: Apr. 29 2012 PA: Aug. 31 2012 DWord: July 29 2012 DWord on hold since Sept. 23 2012 DB'n Since October 8 2012
Yeah mate. These kids are smart. They see things even if we try to act "as if". They know the score, don't they?
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
