A New Week... A New Opportunity...

[AlkalineThoughts]

Thanks for chiming in Chatter! You make excellent points... as per usual!

And you're so right that I often put an inordinate amount of energy into messages...

Thankfully, the work-related emails require about 5 seconds of thought now, and I'm hoping that transitions to all the other messages sooner rather than later!

And I'm not going to lie: the "Gives her a chance to think about you" thing is rather appealing!

[Crazyville]

^^^^ LOVE the analogy, Arsene!

[roughenough]

Hey AT… I've been doing a lot of work in Florida recently and I was thinking of you. I am a recruiter in the live events industry. Some of my clients are in Tampa and I have some interviews going on in Boca and Naples. I am currently working on getting a candidate relocated from Orlando to Boca.

[Denver_2010]

Kinda figured I'd get that response on the birthday message! I'm not decided on doing it for certain, but it just seems "right" to at least send a three word "Happy Birthday W" email... Interested in the reactions to that as the day gets closer!

Think of it this way. You will expend more energy thinking about it and wondering how it was received than it is actually worth. Since you will not be partaking in any birthday events with her or spending the night with her.... ignore it.

And since you think that all messages need a ton of thought I see no difference in this than with a U 2 Wife message.....

Best to allow her the opportunity to contact you on that day or a few days later. One of those. Consequences of your actions. A wondering if you are going to contact her. Gives her a chance to think about you.

YES! YES! YES! ^^^

Any other way to say "I agree with Chatter"?! LOL!

[ShockedOne]

The best way I like to think of it.......you have been fired from the role of husband. Unless you are treated as a husband, and she wants to act like a wife, forget about it.

[ShockedOne]

AT, remember that you have been fired from the husband role. Cards are no longer your responsibility. Let her feel even the small things she will miss forever more from you, and you just forget about it altogether. Not worth you stress or energy anymore.

[AlkalineThoughts]

Time for a little Monday morning Journaling:

I had a great weekend, and the weather in South Florida is positively amazing. Spent a lot of time with friends (old and new) got plenty of relaxation in, and feel physically refreshed this morning.

I did have (maybe I'm still having) a rough patch this morning... kind of a flood of emotions... and I'm not at all sure of where they came from. As I woke up and felt the chill in the morning air, I just started to feel very lonely... and that was followed by a train of thought that started with me wishing my W would just reach out to me already, and then lead to a line of thinking about the REASON I want to hear from her... Which I think is what perpetuated the sadness a little further...

For so long, I wanted to hear from her just to hear her voice, to see what she'd been up to, and with the hope that I'd hear some hope for a future in her voice... But today, I realized that the reason I want to hear from her now is because I want to hear that she's making some kind of personal progress... That there's some kind of self-discovery going on, rather than the "Band-Aid" type of solutions she's admitted she's so prone to do...

And that all made me a little upset at myself... that backslide into the "more of the same" non-detachment stuff...

So it's time for me to get back on the horse, so to speak, this morning... to realize that I'M making personal progress and I can't let what SHE might or might not be doing have ANY affect on me whatsoever...

I guess the good news is how these tiny downward spirals are getting less frequent, and now I'm able to realize that they're silly, even when I'm in the midst of them.

And they're taking on a new dimension now. They're not filled with longing for a past that clearly wasn't good (or else why would I be here today) or a hope to get back together with the person I know now... or even the person I married... now they're filled with much more uncertainty and hope... uncertainty as to what tomorrow will bring (which is fine) and hope that my personal progress will lead me out of these dark times and into a new, beautiful world.

I hope you all had a good weekend, and my apologies for sounding like a broken record. I'm a bit disappointed in myself for the lack of detachment progress I'm making, but today is a new day. And it's going to be a good one, because I'm going to FORCE it to be a good one!

[Arsene]

Way to go AT. Don't beat yourself up over the backslide in the PMA. It's bound to happen once in a while and probably will for a long time but as you say,I'm sure it'll get easier and easier to get over it each time.

Cheers mate!

[labug]

All part of the process.

And that all made me a little upset at myself.. Why?

Forget being upset with yourself. How about "hmmmm, there's a thought and....there's an emotion attached to that thought. Isn't that interesting?"

And then let it go. Don't make it any larger than it needs to be but don't ignore it either.

When you try to stuff them away, they come back to bite you in the a$$.

[AlkalineThoughts]

Thanks Arsene and Labug...

Bug, you're right, there's no use in getting upset over things out of my control. I'll just keep using these as mile-markers and learning opportunities.

Trust me, stuffing them away is NOT at all in my nature!