Lost and confused

[Soul.Searching]

I have been thinking, the wrong kind of thinking probably but anyway.
H had it really easy with me! Everyone was so shocked when H left but thinking back on all the comments I heard,... "You did put up with a lot Of [censored] from him" etc (which was people's view from what they saw/heard from when we were together, no from things I said) I don't think a lot of people would have been suprised if I was the WAS.
I put up with a hell of a lot of crap from H. Mostly because I knew of the issues he had in childhood and also because well H had always been the way he was and I knew that when we got together, although he did treat me a lot different those first few years.
So H left for a few days, in the weeks that followed before he totally left, I think his boss/ drinking buddy had a lot to do with it. H had told me he was spending a night sleeping at his bosses house the next week, so they could get pissed. Real mature, especially since they both had to work the next day. Well the following week H spent money on crap we didn't need (As usual) so told me he wouldn't be going.
Well one of the things we had talked about was him giving me more notice when he was going out, instead of no notice, waiting for me to call.
Well he gave his boss a life home via the bottle shop. His boss tried to get H to stay at his place anyway and drink that with him
Well H said no because he has to go drop something to his Dad. H read a text to me that his boss sent, saying "Its pretty sad when you realize your bin goes out more than you do" ummm concidering the bins go out weekly and H was supposed to be a 31 year old father and husband, the only sad thing I see is that the message was even sent.

H is like a sponge, like a two year old really. He always let his friends influence him, so much so that when he was hanging around lebbos a lot, he actually started to talk like them! Scared his family.

Now he has gone away for three weeks with his boss. I'm thinking any baby steps he has taken, will be gone by the time he gets back.

I know I've just rambled a whole heap of crap that doesn't really matter but I just couldn't get my brain to stop. I'm waiting for my kids to finish their game, so I can take them bike riding. I can't read DR because I'm up to writing and my D is extremely clued on and cleaver. I don't want her to be reading over my shoulder. So that will have to wait until later.

I was sad lastnight when I got home. I expected to be a mess today but I'm not. Well not like the other times anyway.

Well the kids are ready and waiting for me, so I guess it's time to go.