I feel really angry and hurt right now. I've been really calm and nice and just tried to be patient and just leave him alone. I waved hello to him up on our deck earlier today when I had to go up there for a bit, just to be kind and not heavy or anything. When he came in the house to get ready for work, he asked me if I wanted to come and hold our new reptile again. We hung out like that for about 10 min or so, and it was nice, we had only pleasant exchanges like the other two times we did the same. I thanked him for letting me hold him.

He got a call soon after that he could come pick up his truck (I just bought it and directly after it needed major repairs - which came out to the exact price I paid for it). He looked like he wanted to ask me to drop him off at the mechanic, but he ended up calling a cab co instead. It was still awkward being around each other, and it's not like he's looking at me with any love in his eyes this past week. I told him I could give him a ride no problem and he canceled the cab. I had a feeling this truck was going to be a hot button for us, but that's one of our arguments, and how this whole talk of divorce started - with money and savings.

So on the way, I probably shouldn't have, but I asked him if he was still angry at me. He said he was never angry at me. So I asked what he was, then? He said something like I thought we already talked about this. I asked him if he was still planning on leaving in November then, and he said that he was, that the path we were going down wasn't getting us anywhere or something. I said that I agreed with that.

I said - so you've made up your mind then? And he essentially said that Nov would be the last month he could possibly pay rent, and so he'd move out by that time. I was really crushed but I said nothing more about it.

(Last week after talking about his plans to leave me, he mentioned that he'd sell the truck for me. I told him not to worry about it and that I'd just sell it myself. He said he'd need to get his old truck back on the road, which needed major repairs), and that he'd sell the truck for me no problem. Again I said it wasn't necessary. We didn't talk much further about it. He said something about giving me the deposit for our place when the landlord gives it to us. I didn't agree to it, we just left it at that.

So I said what are the payment arrangements for the newer truck going to be, did you the mechanic say anything about it? He said he was going to talk to him today. And I asked him about him putting his older truck back on the road; he said he'd probably need to get around to doing that. Then he got really angry and said "I told you that you could have the deposit for our place when I moved! How am I supposed to pay for this truck and my other one too, I can't do all this! Now you're telling me this? I can't just not pay and do that to this guy."

I told him that I never agreed to him selling this truck for me, or me taking the house deposit, that I said I'd sell it myself. He then asked "Ok. What amount exactly are you hoping to sell this truck for?", and I said I really didn't know, I needed to think about that. He said, well you do need to know!

I said that I might just take the truck and sell my other car, because it needs a lot of repairs, and that living here by myself will be expensive and I might need the money anyway because of rent (our place is a lot for one person).


So he got mad, saying, "Is this going to be messy now, is that what you're doing? We're going to be getting doing this kind of splitting of things"? I told him he owed me nothing, and that I'd pay for the down payment on the truck, and all the payments - all he needed to worry about was getting his own truck up and running and that he should just focus on going if he wants to go already. Just go!

So far I've put every cent I've earned this summer into this truck. We were supposed to save for it together, but he didn't contribute at all, so I just took care of it with what money I'd put together when his old truck conked out.

He got irate at me and started popping off about this and that, and "see we're arguing again" I told him I don't want to argue with him at all, and again that he owes me nothing. I said I'll pay for the entire truck, down payment and further payments, and we can split the house deposit we'll get back, because I never asked you for that. I told him leaving is your decision, and if that's what you want to do, then go. You're free and clear. He got mad again and yelled that he'd do what he wanted and NO ONE was going to CONTROL his actions or tell him what to do or WHERE TO GO! He would LEAVE when he was READY and when he found a home for HIS DOGS and HIS REPTILE etc. I told him I can take care of them and he yelled louder THEY'RE MINE! I'LL TAKE CARE OF THEM! I told him I'm not telling him to go - he doesn't need to go anywhere until he can find something, and that I'm not telling him when to leave, it's his place too. He said he thinks I should move out - and I said I'm not going anywhere, you want to leave this marriage then you can go, but don't tell me to leave when I pay half the bills. You're living outside in your truck anyway. He got angry again and went on about how he was "trying to be nice" by living outside. I said he wasn't doing it for me, I told him he doesn't need to sleep outside, I had told him that last week.



When I dropped him off, he was still carrying on about well then "we'll both just be living under the same roof in the house until the divorce then!" or something. He's so angry, it's like he hates me. I've just never seen him like this after an entire week. It made me so sad because I felt like he was really serious. Like he never knew me. Like I'm just some horrible shrew trying to control him. I don't want to be that story.

And he's right that arguing is never fun - but I feel like he's using that as a simplistic excuse to leave, to give up and just move on.

I don't want anything messy and I don't want to be mean. And maybe it sounds like I'm being petty with this truck. But I see no reason whatsoever to just hand over a truck that I've paid for without his help, that I've invested in, when he's leaving me high and dry with nothing. It feels like he's just coldly taking whatever he wants, like a child. He isn't concerned in the least about what I'm going to do. He's thinking about himself and what he can get. And that's fine, but it's really the only thing I have that's worth anything right now.

I love those dogs like they're my kids. For 5 years I've done nothing but love them. It's so sad to me to see this kind of nonsense.