Paperwork almost done, but not me!

[eyesopen]

After thinking about tonights interactions, I have think I have finally accepted the reality of this mess.

I don't want to make the whole nail painting thing sound trivial. It is obvious that my w is deeply troubled by her decisions. For the women out there, is there any of you that wouldn't think it was nice for a father to take his d to get her nails done. By all means I am not doing it for a reaction out of my w. My d is so sweet when she is sitting in the chair, just mesmerized watching the nail tech.

I also don't think any of my wifes actions are trivial. I finally realize that she is trying to get reactions out of me. She is as confused about this as I am/was. I commend evryone out there that seem to really grasp DBing in the very early stages of their sitches.

I don't think there will ever be a time that don't wish this wouldn't have ever happened, because I will always want my family whole. There will always be a scar. It is bittersweet that it takes this for me to really take a hard look at myself and to learn how to keep a relationship filled with love. With that being said I am ready to take that look at myself without wondering if it will help bring my wife closer. It is nice to have a starting point for my IC sessions that I am starting on Monday.

So along with keeping away from being angry and bitter, I will also add jaded to that list.

To the vets out there I would be curious to know how your transformations went?

Do we as LBS's go through a similiar healing process as dealing with a death? In essence that is what happened only more difficult due to the lack of finality. I know I have a long way to go, but even when someone says they are done, do they really mean it? Won't there always be a question mark? Heck I don't think there is one ex-girlfriend that I have had that I wouldn't date again. And I don't have any children with any of them.

Yikes this started out as a quick post, but things just started flowing.