Hi Wendylon - thanks for your comments I was just being polite I guess and giving him permission to postpone. I genuinely had been looking forward to catching up.
I wrote "that's a shame, I was looking forward to catching up" and then thought that sounded guilt-making and I didn't want him to feel bad/shame - that's how I have made him feel in the past unwittingly so I added the "we can raincheck" bit as we could. I wasn't trying to use a hook for once.
Maybe the James Bond movie text was but, I would have gone with someone eventually so asked him if he wanted to. In recent years he would not have agreed so readily and I am usually the one who books tickets so his response was unexpected.
From his track record, is he likely to stick with the plans for your evening out? Or could he retract even with a booking? I was about to write No, he has never canx a booking but I remembered he didnt show up for wedding anniversary w/e that was booked and paid for and non refundable £500. So will have to see.
Ambivalent? Not sure if that's the right word but it might be. I am LOVING my life and know I am fine. My emotions are no longer affected by H's actions in the way I was. I am NOT desperate for him to share my life. My life is good regardless.
Thanks for the comment on my butterfly story. I just think it's amazing how caterpillars completely dissolve to become a butterfly. I feel I have been breaking down Old Tumbling over the past two years (beliefs, thoughts, behaviours) to emerge a stronger,better person.
According to Dr Lincoln Brower: Inside the Chrysalis:
"the word "metamorphosis" means: "changing" its "form." What is happening is a biological miracle going on inside that caterpillar. Enzymes are being released that digest all the caterpillar tissue, so that the caterpillar is being converted into a rich culture medium. And so inside that chrysalis, during the first 3-4 days is literally a bag of rich fluid media that cells are growing on. And so the transformation of metamorphosis goes. It's a phenomenon of insects and it truly is a miraculous biological process of transformation.
Literally the entire internal contents of the caterpillar — the muscles, the entire digestive system, even the heart, even the nervous system — is totally rebuilt. It's like you took your car, you took a Ford into the shop and left it there for a week and it came out as a Cadillac.
During the development of the adult, the chrysalsid loses nearly half of its weight. This shows that the process of metamorphosis consumes a tremendous amount of energy."
I think he'll stick to the plan too Tori. I slept well but I am always more tired the second day after a rough night so I wasn't feeling v lively today. I was very bouncy yesterday - people know at work when I haven't slept because I'm abit giddy and louder than usual.
I'm not sure I am ambivalent/indifferent. I am just relaxed. Maybe because the panicking Tumbling is satisfied that he does care afterall. Who knows? I'm not a psychologist. But I prefer this feeling to uncertainty. If he didn't contact me for a few days, I might be back there again.
Does it matter to you if you save your M or not? I don't know anymore. We don't have a M. I don't have a husband other than in law, if you see what I mean. I still believe in US and that we can make it.
Yes, I will see how I feel when I see him. I'm actually excited about seeing him. It feels like a date with a new person. I just hope I won't be self conscious like Monday I am loving my relaxedness these day, I am loving feeling free to be my Self. I feel like Canada Girl has landed!
No Labug, I'm not hiding for fear of getting hurt My authentic Self is right here She's here because H has been out of my zone of influence for a while She's here because you and others have supported her re-emergence She's here because I've realised you have to be true to your Self She's here because you have to love your Self before you can love an other She's here because I want her more than I want to save a relationship that was destroying me (and H)
I just hope I can remain authentic, listening to what I want in my life from now on.
This means being true to my Self and what I want, holding boundaries etc.
My IC in my first counselling session, having listened to how honest H and I had been in our first year and what had changed, put her hands together in a kind of prayer position with palms apart but fingers together. She said this is your relationship in the beginning. She said her left hand was me and the right hand was H.
She said as you learn about each other you find each other's boundaries and she pushed her right hand a little so that the left fingers bent backwards whilst saying in relationship H said this is me and this is what I want and then she pushed back with her L hand and said you pushed back with this is what you want and so we found balance and remained with the fingers pointing upwards.
But over time H's behaviours made me bend over til the fingers of the left hand were bent horizontal so I was lying down (gave way). In any future relationship I need to be strong enough in my Self to push back and stand (fingers upright) for what I want.
You probably won't get this as I can't show you the hand demo but I know that is what I need to do.
Thanks everyone for the positive vibes T-1.75hrs H got in contact this morning re arrangements He suggested our old restaurant I was not sure - said we meet feel abit conspicuous but if was ok, i was He's coming over at 1800hrs, restaurant 1830hrs and movie half an hours drive away 2100hrs.
I've been playing P!nk all day I've been to the hairdressers - funky new cut - and discovered hair shadows so have some pink on the ends of one side of the cut - it looks really cool. I love it
I know what I'm wearing - a tunic top with big turquoise, brown and yellow spots on it and white flowers that sets off my eyes, tight jeans and brown leather boots. (for the women in case they are curious!)
I feel like a DB Rockstar with my new perfume on, as well
I have no expectations, I'm going out for the night that's all And I am going to have a confident, Canada Girl time wowing H with all my latest adventures and stories.
