I'm nowhere near as evolved as you in relation to matters like this. I'm stuck in the pain and unfairness of it all, the self-righteousness.
Given that, my advice - and this is not good, I'm sure, would be to tell your H that you feel you are unlikely to be able to control yourself in the presence of OW at your children's public activities.
Your mother-bear instincts are what they are - instinctive - and you still feel so upset by things that you worry that you might just lose it and confront her in front of everyone.
The reason I'm suggesting this apparently wacky line is that I was recently astounded at how I reacted to the presence of OW in our family car in our driveway. H dropped by late at night to deliver a phone that the kids had left in his car, and D16 saw the outline of a person in the passenger seat. I almost leapt out of the front door.
IN MY CAR IN MY DRIVEWAY!
I was shaking and had a huge rush of adrenalin that had me thinking I would just bound out there and tear her out of the passenger seat and beat her to a pulp.
There, I said it.
I worry what i will do when i see her out with my H in public.
I think I will just call her out (loudly, using her full name) on being a marriage wrecker, causing unimaginable pain to so many people, on being a predator .. etc etc.
None of it will do the slightest good, but that is what I fear I might do if I lose control.
If it comes to it, I think i might just have to tell stbx that this is what i fear i might do. Wrong, i know, but it is honestly what i fear will happen. If I know him, he won't want to take the chance.
The better option would be to ignore her, as 25 suggests. To not be the crazy bitter stuck woman who makes a fool of herself in public. To be the woman who is so together that she eventually attracts so many people to her that she has an even better life than before - and certainly a better life than that of a couple of cheaters who think it's OK to act as if one of them is not still married.
If you decide on another relationship in the future, your kids will have a new father-figure in their lives - someone who, can I say it? - will have better morals and values and be much better for them.
