Is this cake eating? 9

[MichelleLT]

I have to agree that getting a formal agreement in place will settle a lot of this stress.

And it absolutely can say you have the kids 80% of the time, or even 100% of the time. But holidays should be spelled out, and that would settle a lot of issues now and for the future.

You are and have been the caretaker since he moved out, and a court will take that and the kid's preferences into consideration. It also would be helpful to get in writing whether the grandparents can babysit or whether he has first right of refusal.

He should be paying you child support at the very least, and a formal agreement would go a long way towards that. And if it comes from the court, it's probably better than dealing with him directly since he's looking for reasons to be mad at everyone.