No Labug, I'm not hiding for fear of getting hurt My authentic Self is right here She's here because H has been out of my zone of influence for a while She's here because you and others have supported her re-emergence She's here because I've realised you have to be true to your Self She's here because you have to love your Self before you can love an other She's here because I want her more than I want to save a relationship that was destroying me (and H)
I just hope I can remain authentic, listening to what I want in my life from now on.
This means being true to my Self and what I want, holding boundaries etc.
My IC in my first counselling session, having listened to how honest H and I had been in our first year and what had changed, put her hands together in a kind of prayer position with palms apart but fingers together. She said this is your relationship in the beginning. She said her left hand was me and the right hand was H.
She said as you learn about each other you find each other's boundaries and she pushed her right hand a little so that the left fingers bent backwards whilst saying in relationship H said this is me and this is what I want and then she pushed back with her L hand and said you pushed back with this is what you want and so we found balance and remained with the fingers pointing upwards.
But over time H's behaviours made me bend over til the fingers of the left hand were bent horizontal so I was lying down (gave way). In any future relationship I need to be strong enough in my Self to push back and stand (fingers upright) for what I want.
You probably won't get this as I can't show you the hand demo but I know that is what I need to do.
