Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

Thank you very much, Labug, Tori and MKB for your insights--really thought-provoking and helpful.

H isn't back yet. God knows what time his train gets in this evening. He's left it vague and I haven't pushed for information. He's only here briefly as he leaves early tomorrow morning to go to my father's.

He called this morning and said he'd be back late but that we could talk a bit. That means he won't go straight to his study. Usually, his idea of talking is much shorter than mine. I think we're still catching up and he wanders off. Still, he is offering to talk as he has this idea that I like talking. I guess over the years, I've complained that we haven't talked or caught up.

I will try to listen and be strong on WOA. Even though H loves to travel, visiting my father and step-mother for 4 days will be pretty hard-going because my father's alzheimer's is far gone. H will be helping with the B&B guests (by being there and talking with them!) and with the internet and website. He will have delicious food and lots of wine but the house will probably be freezing. So while him going to see them is an adventure, it is also helpful of him. They are paying for his plane ticket to thank him for doing the website for the B&B (which my step-mother runs).

When H explodes, I either tell him he's being ridiculous or I try to reason with him and show him how illogical he is or I cry! Staying calm and walking away would be very different--a real 180.

Labug, thank you very much for clarifying boundaries. It helps.

H has outbursts when he feels disrespected. Sometimes I can see it coming but other times I feel he is really over-reacting. He claims that I'm very emasculating. I figure that I wouldn't be if he were more of a man and then we go in circles.

Because he's very absent-minded, I do remind him of lots of things. Sometimes, he reacts very badly to my tone of voice. I feel that I'm actually being pretty patient given how out of it he can be but obviously I sound a bit patronising. Here is a typical example. He might ask me what time D15 needs to be at her swimming lesson and I'll respond that she hasn't had swimming lessons in years. This actually happened. He would then feel that my tone was off and I'd be thinking that his question is enough to try anyone's patience.

He doesn't hold information about the family and I do feel exasperated by it sometimes. Every time he's been away on a trip (which happens a lot), the whole family's routines are gone from his head. His brain is like a sieve when it comes to practical details but not when it comes to current affairs, chemistry, music, etc... He has encyclopaedic knowledge about many things. He's definitely on the autistic spectrum but it doesn't stop it being really annoying.

Let's hope the short time I see him tonight goes well. Thank you so much for the feedback.