one question which burns deep in me is the possibility of an affair. I am really hoping its not the case, but even if it is, what can I do about it? nothing....
There are 3 types- PA, EA and the less talked about IA. The last is "imaginary", so even if a WAS isn't engaged in the first two he or she very likely has conjured up an imaginary person in their head that they want to leave the M to find. The person has a dazzling smile, a buff body and lives to serve them with unconditional love. The WAS is quite convinced this person is just waiting for them to free themselves up so they can get together.
My point is this, all of our spouses ARE engaged in one of the 3 types of affairs. DB'ing techniques are the same regardless, all that changes is our perception of the sitch. And when I say perception, what I mean is this- you see your R one way right now and you are DB'ing to save it. If you found out tomorrow that your W has been engaged in a PA for 2 years, what changed? Nothing other than your perception. Yesterday you perceived she wasn't in a PA, but in fact she was. The actual situation is what it is, the new info only changed the way you see it. See what I mean? So just keep DB'ing and try not to get bogged down in "what if's".
