32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared.
Even if he's not hurting and scared, he is confused. He doesn't know for sure what he wants. He is probably waffling back and forth a lot. So he wasn't lying when he said he wanted to come back, but he may very well have changed his mind the next day. He's going to cycle like this a lot.
Thank you, AnotherStander. I believed what he said when it's something like "please give me more time", " I'm going to stop contacting her" "I've decided to come back". Then his action hurt me. But I found out what he did by snooping, so he doesn't know I knew about what he's actually doing.
I told him that if we don't even try, we'd just not see each other ever again, and cut off all contact once. He didn't do anything then, but later, the last time after he said he's coming back, he cut off all contact with me, which makes me think that he is not going to work on this anymore.
Now I'm trying to not think about him. This is hard to not believe the things that he's doing that are hurting me, they are so real!!! But the DB tip must have it's reason, I'll just try to not think about what his doing, and so far, I'm doing a good job not snooping anything! Thank you for listing it out!
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
If it's a mutual friend then it would be best if he didn't talk about your M to H at all. If he's exclusively your H's friend then it's not really your concern what they talk about. Either way it probably will not benefit you, most of the time friends advise the WAS to just cut all ties and move on because they mistakenly think all the pain will stop and things will go back to normal.
He's a mutual friend, and he is the only mutual friend that knows about us, but not in so much detail. He's mostly concerned about H's mental health as he's a very spiritual person. I think I need to talk to him before he does anything, or ask him to wait if he could. Thanks for pointing that out, the last thing I want is to make current situation even worse. I'll see what I can do with this friend, if he has to visit, hopefully I could ask him to delay it for a while.
