I should clarify that we have been intimate in the last 3 years, just not as we were previously. Our sex life dropped to around once every two weeks, if that. Pretty crappy. That didn't help my state of mind with things either.
OK, well that's different than no intimacy at all. This probably caused a lot of friction though, because she no doubt thought twice a month was plenty (she's LD) and you clearly do not (you're probably HD). Often the LD partner feels pressure from the HD partner and that can cause conflict over time, that may have been a contributing factor.
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Im really concerned at how she became so suddenly detached from me, almost like she is a different person in an instant.
That's actually pretty typical. Many people (me included) lament how the WAS was saying ILY, signing emails XXOO and showing acts of kindness one day and then flipping a switch the next after BD and totally turning it all off. It truly is like a different person steps in.
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She was talking a lot about her work this morning. I was listening intently and at one point I felt bad for the position she was in and my face reacted accordingly. Somehow she took this as a negative and said she should stop talking about work with me so much because I looked like I was fed up of hearing it. I quickly explained that this was not the case and that my face was simply sympathy for the position she was in. She accepted this and I then said that 'thats what Im here for' etc, etc.
Great job listening! Don't forget to validate her emotions, if you do that then she won't be confused about your facial expressions. Say something like "wow, that sounds frustrating, is that how you feel?" Toss in nods and "mmm hmm" now and then so she knows you're still paying attention, and hold eye contact.
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She then hit me with the 'you haven't wanted to hear about this stuff for 12 years' line which I found rather hurtful but I have to accept that this is how she sees it.
Hurtful? You should see it as a positive step!! She's acknowledging a 180! She's telling you that you're doing something different than in the past, that's good!
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Even if we get through this, Im worried that I will be always wondering if this will happen again regardless of my efforts.
Or one of you could contract cancer, or die in a firey car crash, or fall off a cliff while hiking, or... The thing I've learned about worrying is the things we worry about never happen. It's the things we don't worry about that bite our butts. I spent years worrying about my job while thinking my marriage was great. Here I am today, still at the same job (over 10 years now) and trying to piece together a shattered marriage. What good did all my years of worrying do?
