Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

Rough night and morning. No reason really, but i'm definitely hormonal and at certain times of the month I get super fragile and feel like you could knock me over with a feather. Last month at this time was our last big fight, when we ended up ML after.

Yesterday H told me he might have plans with his best friend tonight. I said I'd like to see him since I hadn't seen him in a long time. H said he wasn't sure what the plan was, so paranoid me, I assumed that he was lying and covering up a plan to go out w POW. I did verify by looking at his phone (bad idea), but just enough to see a text from his friend saying "Friday night". So I know he's not lying.

But then I felt so anxious that I had to take half a Xanax. And then I felt loopy. And then I fell fast asleep. I wasn't feeling very well and laid down with a heating pad and seriously crashed. H said, so unlovingly, if you are going to sack out, go in the den. I couldn't even move I was so tired.

Finally I woke up and rubbed H's back for a while and then went to bed. But I had a hard time waking up today. I was supposed to be at school early today to help set up for something, and of course it was already done when I got there.

Just feeling extra bereft today - I do have a big problem w H withholding affection, and it affects me much more around this time of the month. This is how I get into these situations with OM... I so want to break the cycle...