Marriage isn't just about trying to be better for the other person, its also about forgiveness. Its about letting things slide because that partner isn't perfect.
For example, my W asked me why I don't ever complain about her bad habits. Its because I accepted it for who she is. Ya i want her to break those bad habits but if the bad habits aren't (physical/verbal abuse, negative towards the kids, personal attacks), then those are habits i can live with.
WAS thinks its greener on the other side, but until they can fix their views of relationships, they will never find true happeness, they will eventually find another partner, who they will just settle with because they finally learned how to communicate and accept their new R aren't perfect.
I know of some WAS, who left their S and 5 years later, they pretend to be happy becaues they haven't addressed their weakness on developing a better relationship. The WAS who was truly happy is when their S was physical/verbal abusive, but their new partners still had flaws.
Of course you have some WAS who decide to come back, but their LBS is so damaged by this life event, they don't know how to respond anymore. I am afraid, if my W, snaps out of it. I don't know if the damage she has done will be in mind for the rest of my life. I am afraid she might hurt me again, even if I do become a better man. But I am willing to try it again because I choose her to be my W. If made a choice 15 years ago and I own that responsbility to see it to the end.
I also know if we can get through this and really make it work, our life will be so much better together. Really making it work, doesn't mean just doing the same things again or slightly better. It means open honest communication, forgiveness, compassion, making efforts to spend quality time together.
Crazyville, i haven't read your whole story, but i do know every human being has the ability to make any situation they are in to be happy. You just got to take that step and accept it.
