Yeah, its tough to get there... I know I m getting closer and closer and sometimes it scares me because I am afraid that I could fall out of love with W as well...
Resentment is going to start building up, how do I deal with that??
You could very well fall out of love. I think that's why there aren't more reconciliations in S and D, it's very hard to keep loving someone when they don't love you. Love is a choice we make. We choose who to love. We can also choose when to stop loving. If the person we love doesn't return the love, it's very difficult to maintain our love for them.
As for dealing with resentment, don't think of it as resentment. Think of it as taking off your rose-colored glasses and really looking at your spouse, warts and all. Us LBS's tend to put our WAS's on pedestals and worship them. We forget all their faults. We forget that often they contributed as much to the failing marriage as we did. They remember the bad but not the good in the M, we remember the good but not the bad. At some point in detachment we start remembering the bad. That's actually healthy, we SHOULD evaluate the good and bad and decide if they're worth standing for. I've read quite a few stories here where a WAS comes back to reconcile and then the LBS that thought they wanted nothing else in life suddenly starts remembering all the WAS's issues and questions whether they really want to reconcile! Better to get that resolved with yourself in detachment, it'll give you a more realistic view of what reconciling will look like.
