Labug! That is so powerful! "A boundary is to protect you, not to punish or teach a lesson. All you need say is "I've made the decision not to ride with you when you've been drinking." Not in the moment, not right before going somewhere, but in a calm time."
I have such a hard time setting boundaries too. The way you have worded it makes it so much simpler! lol Sounds dumb to you probably.
I'm curious how you react when he explodes Wendylon. Do you explode back or do you shut your mouth and take it?
I know with H I would say something rude or snarky or simply ignore it. Now I just say I am sorry you are angry. I am not fighting. Then if I manage to stick with it, it has amazing results. It's not good if I get sucked in though.
Maybe you could just calmly state your feelings and walk away. No anger, no animosity. No slamming doors. Just walk away quietly.
I know when my H did that to me, it made me feel little, childish, small, unworthy, and bad. For what? Nothing. It wasn't my fault. It was his and how he was reacting to something that was beyond my control. It felt like I was being punished for his problem.
Another option may be at a time when things are quiet you could just tell him how it makes you feel using I words. Also, don't forget to reinforce the positive. That's a biggie!
When he does those things like come home early you might say- I noticed you came home and I really appreciate it. We all enjoy spending time with you as a family or something of that nature. Maybe not that sugar coated but you get the point.
It's great not to criticize but remember it is also important to reinforce those positive signs.
