Thanks so much for asking Tori. My S is okay. We of course talked quite a bit yesterday. He will see IC tomorrow. I am not quite so worried about him. He is concerned because everyone "thinks I'm psycho." Blames H. S 14 is in that place where he isn't quite child, isn't man. Responsibility for self is still a daily struggle. Hell it is for H too so not sure why S14 should be any different. Although he is a bit more responsible than H in many ways. Anyway, he will be okay. :-)

I'm not sure what my bottom line is Tori. That's the truth. I have thought about it. EA and PA are both not it. Although, certainly nearly it. I just don't know. Part of it, I think is in how he treats me. Meaning respectfully or no.This is hard for me to explain. Because most people would say he has already disrespected me. However, I guess it is not in such a way that I would really agree. Maybe I am too understanding? I have felt suffocated, miserable, trapped in our M too. It simply wasn't working for ANY of us. I feel like somehow I already turned the corner or a tipping point. It isn't a bottom line so to speak more, this is what it is. I do NOT accept it. We are still married technically. I do NOT want the same life we had. Unless and until there is a real and true change of heart on his part as well then we are basically done.

I really don't want that to be the case. In the meantime, I suppose he can do what he wants. I would hope he doesn't. I can't control that though. All I can control is me. I know what I want. I am working towards it. Granted, it seems to feel like 1 step forward and 12 back but I am making progress.
For me and for our kids, we do not need the same emotionally unavailable angry belligerent H we had before.

If this is what he needs to do to get past that then so be it. If he never does then we will deal with that too. My thoughts are to just ride this out for a while. I keep praying, keep detaching, and place it in God's hands. Not sure why I am on this path. I just have to have faith that it is to get to a better place. I will know when it is time to move on. Whether it be with him or not. I realized no matter what happens we will still have to interact whether I want to or not. I will ALWAYS have a pretty intense emotional connection to him. Detached or not. It's there. Detaching to me just means that I don't let that connection be used in a way to hurt me. Not sure if that makes sense. Something about our conversation just let me know that he basically feels the same way. So for now he works on him. I work on me. Maybe our paths converge again later. Maybe not. Time will tell.

I believe in DB I think because it gives me power back. It lets me, be me. That's something I didn't or haven't been comfortable doing for a long time. I like me. Real me. Genuine me. If he decides he doesn't then some day I will find someone else who does.

Today is a pretty good day PMA wise. I still waffle back and forth because frankly it still hurts. It IS lessening though.

Your support is such a blessing! I hope you are having a better day. I am going to go read your sitch now.