Here we go again...

[someguy1233]

I'm having a rough morning.
Last night I got home from work and W was home early. She had made dinner. We ate as a family. We played with S and put him to bed. She made a comment about my hair looking nice. Later she commented that she liked my jeans. After putting S to bed she was on the computer so I went and worked on some projects in the garage with out saying a word.

She came out to the garage to have a smoke (a bad habit we both quit before S was born, but has resurfaced). She told me about her bad day at work and how much she still hates her job. We discussed possible jobs she's applying for.

She went inside and slept on the couch with out saying goodnight or anything else.

This morning she was ANGRY. S woke in the night and she tried to sleep with him on the couch. She took this anger out on me. I validated her comments and remained positive.

On the drive to work we were talking about her coworkers that are transferring to a different state. I mentioned that my boss had offered for me to transfer my job and I had declined because I don't want to move away from family. She made a comment that I could transfer and she would move to a nearby state. She said we could split S two-weeks at a time.

This comment hurt deep. The fact that she was so quickly able to think about living states apart and only see S every 2 weeks was like a knife to the heart.

[someguy1233]

Deep breath. "No one else will control how I feel. This too shall pass."

[labug]

Who knows why she said that? Maybe because she's tired because S woke up and she had little sleep? Sleeping with a toddler in a bed is difficult enough, sleeping on a sofa near impossible.

I would have been cranky, too. Good that you didn't react to it. Do you sometimes get up and get him when he wakes in the night?

(sorry if you've discussed this, haven't read the whole thread)

[someguy1233]

Who knows why she said that? Maybe because she's tired because S woke up and she had little sleep? Sleeping with a toddler in a bed is difficult enough, sleeping on a sofa near impossible.

I would have been cranky, too. Good that you didn't react to it. Do you sometimes get up and get him when he wakes in the night?

(sorry if you've discussed this, haven't read the whole thread)

I do get up with S sometimes, but no where near as often as W does. She has that "mother's hearing" and wakes up any time he makes a noise. She's often up to comfort him before I even realize he's woke.

[someguy1233]

Last night I said something I kind of regret.

We had pictures scheduled with a photographer for S turning 18 months. We've done quick sessions every six months to get some amazing pictures of S and us.

Very early in the session the photographer asked us to each hold one of our son's hands and kiss over him. We did it once and then I whispered to W, "but I don't want to kiss you." Her face immediately dropped into a sad frown as she looked to the ground.

I have no idea why I said it. I think maybe it was because I was thinking of both our awkwardness and how she probably didn't want to kiss me. Later I whispered to her, "that came out wrong. That's not what I meant." We never said another word about it.

Yesterday I also saw that she put a lock code on her cell phone. She's never had a lock on it before. I wasn't snooping, I noticed it while she was playing with her phone. This is odd...

[someguy1233]

It's time to open the door. I had another talk with DB coach this morning. It brought me some much needed clarity since my chat with W earlier this week when she indicated she really wants separation.

I can't hold her in the house. I can't force her to stay.
It's time to open the door and validate her feelings towards separation. I don't think we can financially afford it, but I'll explore that option with her.

I'm also going to bring up Retrovaille since she wants to work on communication "no matter how this ends up."

[someguy1233]

W just sent me an email discussing this weekend and who can watch S when.

Tomorrow night she plans to go to her sister's Halloween party. We were both invited to this party months ago. Wife stated, "You're still welcome to come if you want..."

I don't know what to do. It may be an opportunity to have fun with her, but I don't know if she was inviting me out of guilt and really doesn't want me there. Thoughts?

[someguy1233]

I just found the bomb of info...
W left her email open on the family computer.
1. Her crazy friend is helping her find apartments.
2. She received a poem from crazy friend about how everyone gets hurt sometime. It read as a poem about justifying her actions.
3. W forwarded this poem to suspected OM at her work.
4. W has a mirror picture of suspected OM wearing nothing but a towel, barely cover his junk.

I don't know what's to do with this info. She's planning to "get together with a bunch of coworkers at a bar" tomorrow. A big part of me is thinking about leaving her belongings in the yard for her to pickup when she gets home. Who knows where she'd take them.

OM is married and recently accepted a job half way across the county (or so W told me...)

She doesn't know I found this.

[longrun]

Now it's up to you decide if you can live with a PA or not. What you have seen is just the beginning and will take a long time to run its course. Make the best of it. Detach. GAL. All the best.

[leopoldstotch]

Damn SG I'm sorry you found that email. I know how you feel. Take a deep breath and don't act out in anger. Its late and I have to be up for storm work in a few hrs. I will check in on you when I can. I will be working 16 hr days once this storm is done wreacking havoc. Tomorrow I go in for standby. I'll talk to you soon.