Nail, I too have the its better for the kids this way rather than live with parents in a loveless M. W too has the view that we will still do family things together etc etc etc. Rubbish!!! How can splitting a family up benefit the kids in any way whatsoever.
It is guilt and part of the fantasy. They have to convince themselves that kids will be fine, they are thinking of themselves only. I too have had the 'look at xx, they are D but still do things together, he even gives her a hug when they meet up' etc.
But if I look at my W situation with her ex it had a devastating impact on my stepson. When I met W he had little confidence, was extremely clingy to W, did not like spending time with his biological dad, and cried an awful lot at the slightest thing. So I have had first hand experience with myself and stepson of how damaging this can be. Thankfully things settled after me n W got M and stepson got the stability he craved.
But of course he is now going thru it for a 2nd time, however, he is 19 now and lives away at college. One of the talks I had with stepson was the most difficult I ever had in that he has been caught up in a D and now a S. You wld think that alone wld make W reconsider, but she is fogged out of her mind and only sees what she wants.
My youngest S also has special needs and its difficult for 2 of us to manage him at times. Yet she still insists that it will be in his best interests as opposed to working on the M.
Your W will be extremely selfish and say anything to relieve the guilt (I am sure WAS must feel it)and get what she wants. But remember this is not ur old W as u knew her. I think it was sandi2 that posted to me that the biggest mistake an LBS makes is they still think of their old W who wld not do such a thing. That person is gone.
