Hi, I realised your question was directed at Snodderly, but i I think I posed a similar question quite a while ago, and here is what verious people answered - from memory, so I may well have missed something.
First off, Cadet and others will rightly say, do not get too hung up on the stages. They do go through them, but not necessarily neatly, and they may repeat Replay, as it stops the pain.
Second yes, the stages are very mixed up [Anger has been very evident througout my xh's MLC, and although he is now more reasonable it flashes out at the slightest opposition. My grown up children still cannot disagreee with him on anything, and he used to be a man with whom one could have long and interesting arguments]
Third, MLC takes a long time - it is tempting to use the stages to see where they are, but as I said earlier, they may well go round and round
And fourth, there seem to be three main styles of MLC - the drop-outs - those who run and keep contact to a minimum for their circumstances. These are people who communicate infrequently or not at all if there is no need. This feels hurtful but is probably overall the easiest style to deal with.
Then there are the droplets - those who have periods of contact, and seem to be waking up a little, and you think they might be reconnecting, but it is a touch-and go to see everyone is still there. And finally there are the drop ins, who never really let go or sometimes even leave home. They are in regular contact, and may even be nice and tell their spouse they still love them -but [always a but] These are the cake eaters.
Hope that helps a bit until others get on the case.
Oh and something else - watch what your spouse does, not what he sayd. It is rightly said - beleieve nothing a MLCer says, and pay attention to half of what they do. This does not mean don't listen - in among all the stuff are nuggets of gold which may make perfect sense later.
And finally I cannot emphasize this enough - zero expectations, but keep hoping. That is like patting your head while rubbing your stomach!
