I also truly learned that snooping is NO GOOD. Before, I thought I knew it wasn't good, but I kept thinking it wouldn't affect me that much. Apparently, it affected me big time. And I started to realize that the past a few times that I messed things up were also triggered by me snooping. This is not only not good but harmful!
NinaNina, I hear ya on the snooping. is is NO GOOD. It will drive you crazy!! If you find something it only hurts you and you have been hurt enough. Don't snoop, it does not matter at this point. Pay attention to YOU right now is what you need to do and NO CONTACT with him! Stay strong
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
NinaNina, I hear ya on the snooping. is is NO GOOD. It will drive you crazy!! If you find something it only hurts you and you have been hurt enough. Don't snoop, it does not matter at this point. Pay attention to YOU right now is what you need to do and NO CONTACT with him! Stay strong
Thank you Ready2Quit, I'm calm now again. The snooping did drive me crazy. It really does not matter at this point, thanks for pointing it out. I couldn't see it clearly earlier myself! You know, I almost start to think that no contact doesn't make much sense for my situation anymore. Again, thanks for saying this to me, I think I can stay with it !! Thank you
Got to agree on the snooping. When the ball starts rolling. I know the feeling of wanting to know what is going on, but usually one of two things happen when I snoop; 1:nothing or 2:get hurt more.
I told myself a couple of days ago that I would go for a certain time with no contact, no social media, nothing. It actually feels quite good so far.
In regards to your H being cold. Some years ago me and X broke up(lasted a month or two). We reconciled, but in the meantime I was completely shut off, ignored her completely and acted like I didn't care at all. In hindsight I don't really know why I acted this way, probably I was confused and needed space. I certainly didn't do it to be cruel or hurtful. I did infact care for her. This has helped me in my current sitch though, because I know that even if it seems like they don't give a rats @ss, it may not necesseraly be the case. Of course one can't know for sure, but it has helped me deflect those negative vibes.
Hope you manage to collect you thoughts and feel a bit better. Keep trying not to get too worked up over his actions, it will drive you crazy and certainly won't help. Hang in there!
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
Got to agree on the snooping. When the ball starts rolling. I know the feeling of wanting to know what is going on, but usually one of two things happen when I snoop; 1:nothing or 2:get hurt more.
I told myself a couple of days ago that I would go for a certain time with no contact, no social media, nothing. It actually feels quite good so far.
In regards to your H being cold. Some years ago me and X broke up(lasted a month or two). We reconciled, but in the meantime I was completely shut off, ignored her completely and acted like I didn't care at all. In hindsight I don't really know why I acted this way, probably I was confused and needed space. I certainly didn't do it to be cruel or hurtful. I did infact care for her. This has helped me in my current sitch though, because I know that even if it seems like they don't give a rats @ss, it may not necesseraly be the case. Of course one can't know for sure, but it has helped me deflect those negative vibes.
Hope you manage to collect you thoughts and feel a bit better. Keep trying not to get too worked up over his actions, it will drive you crazy and certainly won't help. Hang in there!
Thank you so much for your input theUF!!! This feeling of wanting to know is so strong there, I really need to turn it off. And yes, you are very right. It's only one of the two things you listed happened, and each time, I got hurt more that I couldn't believe it!
I think I'm going to stop checking anything that could relate to H online now too, I think this is going to be hard, but I think i'll check back in here when I feel the urge to snoop! Hope you can stick with the no checking too since this is making you feel better!!
And thanks for sharing your experience!! It helps me feel better about my H's action. At the beginning of this whole thing, he told me he had to be harsh on me so this could end, he said he thought if he didn't be harsh with me, I'd think there's still hope. He also said he thought it was good for both of us. (I thought it was ridiculous) So right now, I'm guessing he just wants to put me off like this so that I give up eventually. How cruel! But maybe from his perspective, he thinks it's the best way. Sigh, it's really impossible to know for sure. But thanks, your words help me think a bit more about this.
I am more together right now, and thanks, I'll really have to try hard on this, I noticed that it's only been 22 days since I first posted here, and it felt like months!! I'll be strong, I hope you'll be too!
One thing that might be happening soon is, One of H's friends is going to talk to him. He knows we are having this problem, and he also thinks that he knows how H is feeling. He thinks H is suffering and he's trying to help him out. I told him I don't want H to think that I sent him there, and I really didn't ask him to help fix our problem anyway.
So, Any thoughts on this everyone? Do you think this is a good thing? Should I do something about this? Well, there's not much i could do I guess. Just, any thought?? It's not up to me if he goes or not. I just hope if he goes, things won't get worse.
I don't think that is a good idea NinaNina. It might make him mad at his friend for sticking his nose in his marriage. Then your H will be mad at you because he will think that you sent him over even if his friend tells him you did not. Really the best thing to do is have no contact, it brought me peace and it brought him back. But, now I am not really sure I want him back.
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
