So the counselor agrees to put off the appointment and wants to have an appointment for just the adults. I told her I was willing to do what was best for my son. She asked me if I believed H was pulling a power move on me to control me and my son. I said yes. She can't pick sides but she strongly suggested to me that if we all cannot get on the same page that perhaps I should contact my attorney and see what I can do to get counseling sessions court ordered so that H cannot fight them. She told me S needs counseling and if necessary perhaps a guardian ad litem is necessary. Yes she can't pick sides and is looking out for S but I don't think she is fooled by H's actions. Felt good that she can see through the facade as well.
And after that huge temper tantrum H acts like things are totally normal at S's band concert tonight. Wants me to save him a seat even. Really? Then he asks if I have signed the mediation papers. No, I say. I wanted to say after all this you still expect me to be agreeable with you? But I kept quiet.
Turns out H's attorney is going on maternity leave in a few weeks. That will anger him as well I am sure.
Tomorrow kids and I are heading to a waterpark for a few days. I am even bringing one of S's friends so he has someone to hang out with. I hope H lays off and let's the kids have fun but I am not holding my breath!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I don't think the counselor is fooled by your h's actions either. She has given you some good advice and I would speak to my lawyer about having your son's session mandated in the decree.
Of course, he's going to be nice and act as if nothing happened...he got his way when he cancelled the session. Have you had time to review the mediation paperwork? If the papers are not up to your approval, then don't sign them.
Enjoy your time away w/your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly. I had an appointment with the lawyer today. He told me if I am not comfortable with the mediation schedule do not sign anything. I told the lawyer that I was not sure if I wanted to fight now or later because I know I will end up having the kids more. L said get what you want now because down the road the precident will be set and will be harder to change. So we are going back to the mediator and L will contact Joe's employer for his travel schedule for the last two or three years and average things out to see how placement will really work out. H will be furious. But I am past the point of caring. He opened up a can of worms and lost the lid.
I even tried to work out times with him so we could both have trick or treat times with the kids this weekend. He refused to commit and said he needed to check times which tells me one thing...he is already committed to OW and her kids.
I am following my gut from now on. It has been right so far. I trust myself far more than I trust him.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
That's what really gets me! How anyone can put somebody else's kids before their own, really blows my mind!
Stay strong! I think you are handling everything great.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I'm glad to see that you spoke to your lawyer. He's right...get what you want now and make sure it is documented on paper. He'll be furious, but at this point, he would be furious about anything that isn't in his favor. Do what is right for you and your children.
Wishing, no matter what you do, he will always find some fault w/it. You've tried to work w/him visitation for trick or treating. If he's not happy about it, it's his loss. Yes, they do tend to put the op's children before their own once they enter into MLC. It's because they become a "package deal" and in order to get the op and enjoy that person's company, they tend to sell their souls for that time. They know that their children will be right where they left them, just as you will (or so they think).
Trust your gut instinct...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly. H thinks the kids will be right where he left them but I think he is wrong. H's sister told me she still holds a grudge with her dad to this day because he used to dump off her and the boys as kids and H's family also holds resentment toward their mother. Does he really want that? Does he think that will not happen to him? I used to think he was such a wonderful caring father. I think now I just saw what I wanted to see.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wishing, Not only does he think te kids will be right where he left them, but is also thinks you will be too. In fact, in a year or so, he may not even remember their correct ages. I've seen that happen several times here on this board. They tend to forget that their children are growing up and will have opinions of their own and may state what is on their minds.
All he is thinking about is escape and having the time of his life and doing what he thinks he' missed out before time runs out for him. He's not thinking about what may happen with respect to resentment and anger from you or his children at this time.
Wishing, he may have been a wonderful, caring father pre-crisis, but that man is turned into a pod person because of his crisis. Hopefully he makes it through the entire crisis and comes out the other side a more mature, loving and understanding human being.
I do believe that we all wear rose colored glasses to some extent. We had good marriages and in some cases turned a blind eye to some behaviors because we loved them. Now, those behaviors are gone full throttle which creates confusion and questioning within ourselves. Don't ever doubt that you had a good marriage, you shared many wonderful memories w/him including the birth of your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks again Snodderly. I just got copies of the emails my L sent to H and his attorney. I know H will hit the roof. But like you said he will be angry about everything unless it is completely his way. And this after he tells me yesterday that he really isnt up to having more conflict with me. I guess that means I am not supposed to give him a hard time about anything.
In other matters kids and I are having a ball. It's so nice to go somewhere and not have to worry about H and whether he's happy or not. We can just relax and enjoy ourselves. I don't think the kids really miss dad. They are so used to him being gone.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I'm glad you and the children are enjoying yourselves. You don't realize just how much egg shell walking you've been doing until the MLCer is away for a while. The tension level drops quite a bit and you can relax and enjoy life.
As for your h being angry...well sometimes the consequences of our actions hurt and that's how you learn. Oh, your h hasn't seen conflict yet...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
