Victim No More

[LoisB]

I just read the Letter from the MLC-er. It is really something.

Anyway, I posted a response after reading it and then thought I should include it on my thread because it brought up an issue I've been struggling with.

I made a lot of mistakes these past months since H moved out. I was a blubbering idiot. Anyway, I shared way too much and really gave him every reason to stay away. So, I've had this nagging feeling that I should do something-make some sort of declaration acknowledging this past behavior but stating that this is not who I am now. Sorta my own Declaration of Independence.

I have some regrets over how I behaved and I do not want H to continue to think of me in that light. I realize that actions speak louder, but I also think he needs to have something tangible--a letter he can read over and over--stating who I am today.

So, I pasted below what I posted on the "letter from the MLC-er" thread. Would love thoughts.


"WOW. That thar is some powerful reading.

So, do I write him a note? That second to the last paragraph--pretty much verbatim or leave things as they are--me backing.

I read "Love Must Be Tough" by J. Dobson. He also recommends writing a letter to sorta make the point that you starting fresh. That the upheaval and stress made you a little wackadoo but now you are sane again and moving forward.

Would love to hear opinions on this. I've spent 8 months doing all the wrong things. Begging, Pleading, Making it Abundantly Clear that I'm standing by my man. Ick.

So, he's been out there having a gay ol time. Well, not all the time but I did make it waaaaaaaayyyyyy easier. I guess I said all there was to say. But, I still wonder if I should make some sort of declaration like the above. You know, something to the effect of....

You know I have struggled since our separation. When we married, I thought it was forever. And, I still believe in marriage and I don't believe in divorce. I have accepted your decision, though, and hold no grudges.

I really struggled these past months dealing with the reality that our marriage is over. I'm not proud of how I behaved, but please know it came from a place of hurt, shock and grief. I've always felt I could be honest with you about what I feel and this was no exception. I allowed you to see into my heart.

That was then, this is now. I'm facing today head-on and doing what I can to remove you from my heart. I will always be baffled how something so good could turn so sour. But, I'm done analyzing it.

If I never hear from you again, I know I will be fine. I will miss what was, and you, but I will get on. In some ways, I see how this forced me out of my comfort zone and I'm grateful for that.

I wish you well.

Heather

Something inside me says, maybe not today, but maybe a few weeks from now... this would be a good thing for me and maybe our marriage.

Thoughts?"