Wife gave me the I love you but not in love you with speech. She did this after i approached her about making our marriage better. I noticed over the last year things have been slowly getting worst (she would nag about everything i do).
Wow, that's nearly a carbon copy of how it went down for me.
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Its been about 3 week since she stopped contacting the OM but our relationship isn't getting any better. I have already started on the GAL and detach phase. Bonding with my children and trying to appease her love language (acts of service). I know i neglected her feelings over the years but never realized just how bad it was.
All that sounds good, just understand that it takes lots of time for your W to believe in your 180's. Months. At first she'll think it's just a trick and that if she opens up her heart to you again you'll go right back to your old ways. So stick to your 180's and give it time. Right now she's thinking "too little too late" as you said. But don't let that concern you, she IS noticing.
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No physical contact with her, we don't sleep in the same bed, but we are still in the same house. Her wedding ring is off but she wears another ring on her middle finger (its an old ring she bought during our marriage).
Fast foward to our Current state. -W wants to seperate but she also mentioned Divorce.
Yeah, it sounds like she's one foot out the door. It's pretty common for the WAS to throw around D a lot early on, but often they drop it if the pressure is removed through DB'ing. S is another matter, usually when they get to the point where your W is then S could very well be her next step.
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I told her, I am not abandoning the house.
Good. She needs to suffer the consequences of her decisions, and if she decides on S, then she needs to feel the discomfort of finding a place, moving stuff, setting up bills, etc.
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-W says she is pissed at me for exposing the Affair, not sure if she can forgive me
Script. They always have something "unforgivable" they blame the LBS for.
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-W says at one point she did want to work on saving the marriage but i pushed her into this direction because how i exposed the Affair (not sure if this is true)
Sounds like she's trying to lay a guilt trip on you.
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-W hates me for turning her parents against her.
Of course you didn't do this, she did. But be prepared, you are going to receive the blame for every thing wrong in her life from a flat tire on her car to someone putting ketchup on her hamburger at lunch.
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How do i handle the discussion of kids custody? Do i stick to my guns about the schedule since i feel its best for the kids?
Keep an open mind. This is really something the two of you need to work out together. "Sticking to your guns" may result in an ugly, expensive custody battle.
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Do I seperate my funds? Or wait till she makes the 1st move on seperating funds? I make the majority of the income.
Boy that's a tough one. I didn't have to deal with it since we always maintained separate accounts. I think most here would tell you to do it. But it could make her really angry. My inclination would be to wait until she brings up S again and then use that as an opportunity to say "OK, since you're planning on that I'm going to go ahead and split the accounts so we can each focus on our own bills" or something like that.
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Did exposing the Affair really force me to lose my last chance?
No. Learn not to focus on what she says, you're probably going to hear worse before it gets better. One of the DB 180 tips:
"Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared."
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
F Soul Mates... Holywood needs to be kicked in the junk for making this craptastic term up.
ROTFLOL!! This reminds me of something my MC said, I think it was in the movie Jerry McGuire where Tom Cruise said "You complete me." She said she groaned out loud in the theater when she heard it, it totally flies in the face of modern counseling- this idea that one person cannot be complete without another
