My wife has not asked for a divorce. She has mentioned us seperating but only in the terms of 'if we seperate'. There has been nothing to suggest that she is willing to do it at this point.
That's a good sign, most WAS's just don't say a word until they decide they are 100% done and at that point they're not interested in working on it at all, they're just ready to leave and all they can talk about is S and D. It sounds like maybe your W reached out to you before she got to that point. The lack of intimacy/ ML is a concern though. How long has that been going on, is it a recent development?
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I asked her directly what she wants. Her answer was at this time 'she doesn't know'.
She's confused right now. You know where she stands, so do not initiate any more conversations about M, S or D. If she brings it up then listen to what she has to say and validate her emotions, but do not bring it up yourself. It's pressure, and right now you need to remove all pressure from her. You need to act "as if" everything is just fine. You're happy, content, etc. Show her someone she doesn't want to leave.
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I am 100% doing everything I can to rectify those issues. I appreciate that at the moment, its about how I deal with this. I cant make her want our relationship to work.
Have you read the 5 Love Languages? You might want to check it out, sounds like her love tank is on empty and it will explain how you can work on that.
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She doesnt seem too keen on any form of counselling at this point so I am doing it myself.
Good. Don't put any pressure on her to go to MC unless she asks to.
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I think she just needs the space for now but its confusing in many ways because we are talking and communicating much better in the last 2 weeks than we have in the last 2 years! Im making time to be with her in the morning before we go to work and before the kids get up. She seems to be enjoying that I am connecting with her. We share a coffee and talk a lot. Not so much about the relationship but just nice conversation in general.
That sounds good, just try not to overdo it. My W and I were communicating great after BD and before S, better than we had in years. Daily conversations, hand-holding, hugging, etc. She still left though. She said it was "too much".
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Do I just keep doing what I am doing and give her some time or is there something more I should be doing?
Stick with your 180's, keep working on yourself, give her as much space as you can, and settle in for the long haul. It's going to take a lot of time, so give it to her.
