If your ultimate goal is to reconcile the marriage, then NO you do not need to make a surprise trip. I am currently in your situation and have a OW of my own to contend with. Although it is very hard, you have to back away and concentrate on yourself and your children. If you confront your H all you will look like is a crazy woman. He will be completely turned off by that. That woman will dig her own grave eventually. You need to be the calm stable individual he can depend on. It makes no sense to us. We are not doing anything wrong, yet we have to make all the allowances. All I know is that I have read the DB book and try to practice what it teaches. Do a 180 on him and act "as if" divorce is on the horizon and you need to get your ducks in a row. Fill your days as much as possible so you don't dwell on what he is up to. I am preaching to myself as well and I have actually been spending some time with one of my girlfriends today discussing this very topic. Be strong. We will make it no matter what happens.
