Does anyone think a surprise visit to him would do any good? I don't plan to fight. But I just want to let him know I know what he IS doing and it is hurting me....Sigh...after I type these out, I feel stupid again. Why does he care. It's just gonna give him a chance to face me and say he wants out for good. But right now I feel like even that is better than how I feel right now.
Should I contact him at all at this point? I mean, he cut me off in the first place. It's been almost a month and I don't think he wants to contact me ever. Especially after today, the big "surprise" that I found out.
Help please. I hope I can get some advice.... I feel so bad right now and I have no one to talk to at the moment... I feel like I am trapped. I miss my H...but not this cold blooded person he turned into.
I agree with you. I had a friend of mine ask me yesterday if I still loved my W. I said that I loved the old W but not this one. Then it hit me. She probably feels the same way.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
I understand, yeah, my H loved the old me, I have no doubt about that. I am just so sad that he doesn't want to try, and that he is putting his heart on another woman...
I'm the same way, but I don't think OM is in the picture. Looking back, I think W did try. I wasn't willing to change until after I moved out. I am the one that did leave the house, but I meant it to be a temporary S. It isn't. She filed for D two days before I moved out. I begged and pleaded, and of course, that didn't work. I believe that D is inevitable with me. It is tough when you realize that.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
If your ultimate goal is to reconcile the marriage, then NO you do not need to make a surprise trip. I am currently in your situation and have a OW of my own to contend with. Although it is very hard, you have to back away and concentrate on yourself and your children. If you confront your H all you will look like is a crazy woman. He will be completely turned off by that. That woman will dig her own grave eventually. You need to be the calm stable individual he can depend on. It makes no sense to us. We are not doing anything wrong, yet we have to make all the allowances. All I know is that I have read the DB book and try to practice what it teaches. Do a 180 on him and act "as if" divorce is on the horizon and you need to get your ducks in a row. Fill your days as much as possible so you don't dwell on what he is up to. I am preaching to myself as well and I have actually been spending some time with one of my girlfriends today discussing this very topic. Be strong. We will make it no matter what happens.
I'm posting so much right now, I'm just in an emotional mess. I kept hoping that H would come back and give me another chance, but I also know that he probably decided to give up our M the day he shut me off completely. I think he is not coming back now, my logical mind is telling me. But the silly side of me still hopes there would be a turning point. BUT.... I feel so hurt right now, it's my fault for snooping, but I so want him to know that it's hurting and that i KNOW what he's doing. I want to go talk to him face to face, and tell him he is being a horrible human being, selfish and mean.
It does get easier. The more that I do for myself to better me as a person, the better I feel. I am starting IC soon, and I can't wait to reap the fruit of that.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
