Points well taken. I even wondered if I needed to initiate D to let it all go. Seriously. Perhaps, the only way to show I will not go through it again. But then that leaves me back to square 1. It is NOT what I want. I have also thought we are not "through" Our families- both the children and extended- feel the same way. Like this is not the end of our path.
However, how do I hold my boundaries and still fight for my marriage? Or a new marriage? I am stuck. I really do not know what to do.
How do I communicate this is not good enough and not acceptable and still that I want to work on this relationship?
Scared - I have made significant changes both in myself and my behavior. Real changes. Hence, the improvement in my children. I fully 100% intend to not backslide. It is a minute by minute challenge. Seriously. My number one issue is that I would not deal with my own stress well. I was short tempered and mean. Verbally being nasty, rude, and screaming. I have a very big problem with negativity. It is insidious and had invaded every interaction and aspect of my life. I just have to keep working at it. In addition, I do not nor have I ever been one to ask for help or state what I need. I am trying. That is a hard one. Especially considering I am stuck now alone and I have no real option but to do things by myself.
The only thing I really know to do at this point is exactly what I am doing. Trying to let go, detach, and go on with my life. If anyone has any other ideas I would be more than happy to hear them.
One of the problems was that every single time I fell into the fighting mode and trap I just reinforced all of his negative ideas. He is still considering a life here. I know this because every single time we have an argument he will verbalize, "Why would I want to work on this when all we do is fight?" A couple of times he has said that when there has been no mention of us working on things by me. And no mention of an US really.
I honestly believe it is MLC, I also believe, he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. I sort of believe in some part of me that the whole thing about XW1 is just a distraction. Not likely to really amount to much but I have been insecure in the past and I am being so now. I definitely feel though she is trying to manipulate. Not in a good way.
Crazy- you are so right about not losing myself. That is the entire problem in a nutshell. That is how I got to this place. I lost me and placed him above myself in importance of our M. He knew this. We have huge issues with his not respecting me. He would act like it at times but often it was just as a means to manipulate or control. Not in the true sense of the word. That is why I took it as such a positive sign that he followed up and did what I asked as far as not calling and also letting me know he was here.
One thing that may be interesting to see is - my schedule for school has changed. There is no longer any need at all for him to come here and stay with the children. I did ask him to stay this Saturday night because I have a concert to go to (Rick Springfield lol) but that is something for me to get away and relax. Otherwise, I have no plans and no need of him to come here or keep them. So that means he is going to have the opportunity to actually miss them and proactively work out a schedule to see them. Things that in the past he has not done. I have done all of that for him. He kept to my schedule because it benefitted him as well. That is no longer going to be the situation. He claims they are his top priority. He doesn't act like it. However, I do realize at some point he is going to realize that without his family he is not happy. So we shall see.
