First Post

[sandi2]

She has completely stopped showing me any emotion.

What do you mean exactly? She's not responding to you? She's not showing you anger or happiness?

I think some WAW's get to that stage where they are shutting out the LBH to the point that she's not responding emotionally to things he says or does. But for the most part, she intentionally not showing him her emotions.

I feel that she is not aware of her behavior to me.

I find this interesting. There have been many LBH's that have said this very thing. I am blunt, but in all likelihood.....she is absolutely aware of her behavior toward you. That is part of the point she's making to you. She's not happy. She doesn't want to be M to you. She doesn't want you to be around her. Therefore, she's going to ignore you by not responding to anything positively, disrespect you, and be mean to you ...and anything else that is necessary to get the message across.

My anology is that I could be lifting 1000lbs in front of her and a stranger is lifting a 100lbs next to me. She doesnt even notice me and tells the stranger wow good job.

Let me say it with different wording. It's not that she doesn't see you lifting the 1000 lbs. But it doesn't impress her. She simply doesn't care any longer. Her interest will be in others. She may be polite to the other person....or she may be impressed with him.....and she might even compliment him for lifting a 100 lbs. She doesn't have to be polite to you, nor is she interested or impressed. Your analogy would be truer if she was rolling her eyes to indicate she was turned off.

Like you said she will not allow herself to give or show me any signs of MR fixing.

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Well it's not that she won't allow herself, but more like she will work hard to show you that there's no hope in fixing the M. I have read where so many LBH's say the same thing about the WAW not allowing themselves to feel love, or to show the H affection, etc. It's not that way. Remember that in her opinion, she's done with the M and with him. She's used up and dried up. The only thing she feels toward him or the M is....emptiness. She believes her task is to convince him that it's over. That's why you can't look for her to give out positive signs at this time.

From a WAW perspective, should I just continue giving her all the space she needs,and the standard DBing? I understand this is going to take time, but I am wandering if I should change my methods?

The best you can do is to go forward as if you see life with a different attitude. Instead of making life all about her, you act as if she's no longer your priority. It's not your job to make her happy and so you just have an "oh well" attitude instead of fretting over it. You find other things and other people and make yourself happy. Now that sounds totally selfish, but it helps you to let go of the rope you have tied to her. It's hard for some to understand how you can become a better man and at the same time do some of these things that are suggested. Some men want to do all the wonderful things for the W he should have done years ago. But it will not lead him into a successful outcome if he tries to do it in her WAW or MLC state of being. And, btw, another thing so many men say on the board is that they think (even though you said your C said so) that their W is in MLC. I see many saying that while they are fairly newcomers, and I have to wonder if facing a W who is having MLC is easier than knowing they have a WAW. But here's the thing....IMHO, if she's in MLC, she'll be a WAW....even if it's not a physical walk away. From what I've read, the person who is in MLC will sooner or later have OP involved (EA or PA). But if she's not in MLC, then there is a chance it won't take as long to R......just a chance.

The secret is not doing something in addition to the standard DBing, but rather in just letting go and putting your energy into other ways. Every success story I've heard or read about was when the LBS dropped the rope. I have my own analogy of dropping the rope somewhere. If I find it, I'll post it to you.