Let me ask you this, ever had a kid who you tell them to "Stop doing XYZ" and they keep doing it? Until you express extreme displeasure or use your "don't mess with me voice"
Most W/H don't use that voice because it turns into a threat for an adult.
Take for example, if a H constantly forgets to wash his favorite cup. The W says in an angry voice "I told you to clean this up" vs in a nice calm voice "Can you please not leave this around, your setting a bad example for the kids". Which is more effective for a male or female? Keep in mind a female and male minds work differently.
So thinking it boils down to "If the WAS communicated that they didn't like X, and the LBS heard it but did nothing to address X, then communication wasn't the problem." Communication is a problem, when the WAS or LBS isn't framing it right for his partner to truly understand its bothering your spouse. Its why alot of marriages fail because communication, not truly understanding how a male/female mind works, not adapting to the changes in a relationship.
The one problem with WAS I have is...once you gave your LBS a life changing event, you need to remember all the positives of your marriage and look deep down in yourself why you married your spouse for his positives. Instead, i read so many forums, books, and talked to former WAS and most WAS only focus on the negatives things about their spouse. They do not want to see any good in their spouse because they feel like the spouse wasn't hearing them.
All i know is, one day if I become a WAS..and my partner did everything to save me, I really hope I gave my partner one more chance because to go to hell and hear all that negative crap, re-write history and still want to be with me...that takes real courage/love.
I rather take a chance on someone who is willing to go to hell and hold on to me vs walking away to explore my new life because we all know, if a WAS doesn't understand how to keep the love going, he/she will just continue to carry that baggage to the next relationship.
Marriage isn't just about Vows. It's about committing your life to this person because at that time you loved that person dearly and its the person you wanted to grow old with. Remember who that person was when you married because that same person is there, he/she is just a bit older/stressed and needs help to be a better spouse.
Go ahead try recalling all the positive things your spouse has done. A WAS, may not even have 15 nice things to say anymore about their spouse but they sure can remember 100 negative things about their spouse.
