This plane has landed, baby!

[angel61]

Hi Dawnmarie,

You know, if he really wanted to leave, he will leave. And in general, I don't think they will make their peace before leaving, in fact, you don't see that in any of the sitches here. They are the nastiest people when they leave, I think they do it so that the LBS will hate them so much and it makes it easier for them to leave. They will provoke the LBS to the point that the LBS can't stand it anymore.

When they start being nice, I tink its more that they are slowly getting out of the fog and seeing things around them.

My husband told me that initially, during the height of the EA, he did feel that he was willing to give up his family to be with the OW, but later on he realized he could not do it. There was a point he was confused, and he was acting very confusing too. Being nice to me, and yet still in touch with OW. Then slowly, the contact with OW became less and less, and now its just for work. Well, it helps that she is now engaged to someone else.....

I think concentrating on yourself and just keeping the home stress free is the best thing to do. I told myself so many times , be the lighthouse. Be the woman he'd be a fool to leave. Make it so that the house is a haven. If he wants to talk, listen, affirm but don't try to control, or bring about an R talk. keep it safe, thats really important to them. Steer clear of negative talk, but praise the positive. Don't be over available though, or he will feel suffocated. Act friendly but be a little distant as well. Keep on GALing, keep the detachment cause at this point, it still probably will go up and down.


I think it will take time, and if you really want to save your marriage, you have to give yourself the gift of time. You can't force him, he has to be the one to make the decision to give up the OW, to fully come back to you. It has to come fully from him, if you pressure, it will easily go the other way. It seems to be going in a good direction though....

We still have our ups and downs, but its really not because of the EA at thhis point. The other night, I was snuggling and he asked me to move away, and I asked him in a snippy way (backslide!) Why, don't you want me to touch you? And he got mad at me, saying I was so negative. I got upset, and acted out, and he got upset at me too.

It reminded me that we are still not that stable. Yesterday, he told me that I caused him not to sleep well, and I apologized, and we got back into the groove.

I still am waiting for the time that he will be able to give me warm higs, and say ILY.

Have you thought of Retrouvaille? It might be too soon for you though....