His exact words, "I told you I had been talking to her" He does seem embarrassed. He will not go any more in depth. He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't say he is sorry. It just leaves it to me to wonder. He is ashamed I think. He doesn't proactively tell anyone and was furious that I did. In fact, I don't know if he told anyone but me. Likely he did. I dunno. We have different circles of friends and have for some time, even though it is a small community.

He is still avoiding me. Craving his space.
Frankly, having been through this before, my opinion is that by being secretive it keeps them from really having to deal with the consequences.

He hasn't been contacting the children at all. He came and got his motorcycle (which has been an object of contention for some time) Not sure where he is storing it or anything else.

My impression currently is that this will run it's natural course. Meaning they had been together and split up several times. My guess is, they will again. At least if I can stay out of it and not push them closer together. One thing he did say as I told you guys before was that I was the one that split them up. Then he said but "that's old water under the bridge now" I wasn't sure how to take that. Honestly when he and I met they were already divorced. He had told me she slept with his best friend at his mom's house no less. So I don't know what to think. I am worried as hell. What if she is the reason he was never fully engaged with me. He still hadn't let that go? She was the "1st love" or whatever. They were married for 10 years. Things he has told me in the past were that things were not great. Some serious issues were her family, sense of control, and basically he was never satisfied with the quality of the sex. They never had children and got married very young. He also told me point blank he never wanted to have kids with her. She did, he did not.
I don't know how much of what is going on now is my imagination or him trying to get me upset. I do KNOW that he spent last saturday night with someone and was gone sunday and did not drive his own vehicle. I also know some times he doesn't respond to me which I think is her influence. When we were having it out on the phone I also suspect she was "giving him advice" Of course, it would be self serving on her part. In addition, I KNOW this girl hates me with a passion. Regardless of whether she wanted him back or not it would be a great ego boost/ victory for her to cause me pain. She tried to remain in contact with his entire family for many many years even after he and I had children. She would go visit with his mother (of all things) Her grandparents showed up at our house when S14 was just days old to see him. I think they really thought I had "trapped" him into the relationship with me. In truth though, my H was every bit the pursuer. We were together for almost 2 years before I got pregnant with our first child.
My only hope as I said is to let this evolve naturally. They have been together and split up many times without any involvement from me. So I have to trust that God has a plan and that hopefully he will soon come to realize that the "grass isn't always greener" and it will fall apart for the same reasons as before. I know H hasn't changed much in all the time I have known him. I doubt she has either. Which means it will be a short while before they fall into their same not working patterns which is fantastic news for me!

As far as his attitude. He is angry. Not much news there. He has been angry with me for years. Or at least been directing his anger at me. I do feel he is starting to show a little bit of respect for my boundaries. That is a GOOD thing. In order for anything to ever work we have to have respect back in our relationship.

He is not initiating divorce. Even though I think she may be pushing him to. I know he told me "so and so only handles uncontested divorce." I said "Oh you talked to him already?" His reply, "No but I talked to other people that know." So he isn't stupid. I do know too. Sometimes all I have to do is plant a very small seed and he will think about things. I did make the comment, "I am sure she would love to see us divorce regardless of who is getting hurt in the process whether it is you, I or our kids whom I am sure she likely resents." He never said a word. He just got quiet. It registered and that is important.

I know at this point I HAVE to GAL- I have to not initiate any contact, I have to let him do his thing. In other words, I have to give him room to fail. Room to miss me. Room to miss our children. Room for God to work.

This is hard for me. I am a fixer. A people pleaser. It is hard to reconcile my brain with my heart on those days when I am cycling through the anger, regret, and hurt. Other days are good. I need for the good to outnumber the cycling days.

I said before, some of the positives are that I am having a much better, closer relationship with my children. They are reacting positively to not being exposed to the mess of what our M had become. I felt this was true and it was confirmed yesterday by their IC. She basically told me that all of the D's had expressed they were doing better. More secure, and more structure. So in that respect I know this is the right path for me to be on.

Thanks for stopping in so regularly. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and all I can do is get on here and unleash all those negative emotions. Everyone on this board is just another blessing for me to be thankful for.