This is the point where I ask you to go back to the beginning of this comment and repeat my first point again and again.
oh okay- i'm reading along- and i did in fact go back and repeat it to myself. it's like miracle on 34th street with old natalie wood sitting there saying "I believe" - "I believe. "
even made myself laugh and i can use it this morning. I WROTE IT DOWN on a stickie on my desktop here - so i see it frequently all day and will repeat after you.....
I can only pray & hope i am better in the end. i hope you are rite we all make it thru and are improved for it. i know that is the conventional wisdom. i don't mean to be dreary- i merely find myself confronting things i never really thought i'd find in my life (uh hem- that i'm an episode of jerry springer.... yikes!!) and it does make me wonder. i do think the best of people and myself usually- but i've ended up in what feels like hot water here- so MAYBE i've been on some wrong trail. usualy i pooh pooh this and stick with - " hey, i am who i am and i'm okay". just sometimes tho... now or then, i wonder if it's me - not "them". know what i mean? nothing terminal- just seeds of doubt creep in. i am only human anyway. (unfortunately)
i have no idea how this all plays out and what it does to a person. so far - i feel both bad and glad to notice that i care still- it makes it hurt- it lets me know maybe i should still be trying to do this.
. if i don't initiate a conversation about all this crap and hear his point of view (bad stuff about myself) it doesn't get said. for better or worse- i've decided and hope to stick with the plan to not go there. like snooping and finding out more stuff that rips my heart out- i'm trying to not confront that information. what i know now is enough to have me where i am - conflicted and (half the time only now) miserable.
I have some truly huge and drastic family stuff going on at the moment - of course rite??? we are trying to (but failing) put the fun back in dysfunction. it's sad - and ridiculous all at the same time.
anyway- thanks for contact from "the world" out there- this darn forum is really a link to like minded people and that is invaluable in this kind of a thing.
now, to go buy that darn lottery ticket- just typing it makes me laugh - so that's worth someting rite?
