I am new to this forum, but have been reading here for some time. I have read the DR book as well.
Just a quick overview: My partner of 18 years gave me the ILY But... speech two months ago. He will turn 40 this year. We were not married and for various reasons (sick parents, careers) we were maintaining our relationship long distance for the last couple of years. We saw each other often and talked every night for hours on the phone. There are no children involved. Neither of us wanted children. I am hoping my "non-traditional" status keeps folks from offering their advice.
In order to keep this first post short, I won't go into all the details, but he is definately having a MLC. He admitted as much.
I have since learned that there is an OW involved and has been for at least the last three months. I was, of course, the last to know. After reading this Board, I have no doubt that some of you know exactly how I felt when I learned of this and how much worse I feel now that they are more openly dating.
She is herself recently separated with two children.
Since the BD, we have kept in touch. I have done my best to stomp down on my emotions during those conversations but do not always succeed (especially when he accidently pocket dialled me and I overheard their sexual innuendoes) but I am trying to at least keep our friendship alive until I need to walk away.
Even at three months, I realize I am still much too attached and hurting. I am working on that.
What I am hoping for from you folks is guidance on how to be "the friend" without enabling him to cake-eat and make it easier to be with the OW. I do not think he has a clue how far down he has demoted me. I saw him two days ago for the first time in two months as I was in his town. He explained how he still wanted to be able to talk to me every night after work about all of the things we used to talk about just not about any relationship stuff. No mention of making any actual effort to see me.
I will provide more details in my next post as this is getting long and I understand that I am on moderation for now.
