Its like she is perfectly fine with living as roommates and friends forever!
I have been doing a lot of 180s, but not really in line with the problems she had with out marriage. I am definately more upbeat when I get off work. Spend a lot more time with the kids, spend less time at work, etc. But in our marriage, she always fealt I wasnt affectionate enough, or complimenting enough, or perceptive enough (like new clothes and perfume). These are the things that I am NOT supposed to do according to DB and DR because its not something that she WANTS TO HEAR FROM ME NOW!!!
How long have you been "living as roommates"?
We've been doing it for 7 months, (separate bedrooms) and even though I sometimes feel frustrated just like you do that she's no longer my lover, I still think it's better than out of house separation for several of reasons. Unless you are fighting endlessly, I think it offers a better shot at reconciliation. It also makes it easier for you to fulfill her emotional needs. (unless you’d prefer someone else do that) Personally, I prefer to keep our tight “friendship” connection, and build on it. In home separation is also easier on the kids, and much easier on the finances.
The way I look at this is if you ever expect to be lovers again, at some point you will have to start making your moves. This is assuming you’ve already been doing the “be the husband only a fool would leave” thing consistently for quite a while. Start off slow and monitor. If you’re getting along good like you say you are, there’s little chance she’ll run and file for D just because you moved a little too quick. You just back off for a while.
She told you what she was missing from in the marriage so I believe you NEED to be showing her these changes. Just make sure to monitor. If it draws her closer you're on track. If she pulls away you're not.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
