How do we live "together separate"?

[mizjjd]

Ah! The Cat has returned.

I feel a bit like Edith Bunker myself. I stayed home for 15 of our 20 years and I'm not sure H even knows where the washer is lol. My H does follow "traditional" gender roles.

I know that "love(d) me/ love(d) me not" is a quagmire I should avoid. Was just blown away by the 5LL questions because I had to choose between two imaginary scenarios for each query.

Expressing my love to H. That's tricky.

He hasn't wanted to hear "I love you" for about 5 years or so. I had already mostly stopped saying ILY and since the bomb haven't at all.

He doesn't like hugs, kisses or hand holding. Since the bomb I stopped trying any pda.

He doesn't like gifts.

Service? I get up every morning with him and make the bed, make his breakfast, set the paper on the table for him. Through out the day I get him his lunch, snacks and dinner. When he had a job I packed his lunch and carried it out to the car for him (would start his car and scrape his windows in the winter) I do his laundry. Currently, I'm handling his unemployment related tasks because that sort of thing frustrates him. But I don't know if this means love to him.

He does like massages and foot rubs. (I sometimes get huffy about these because they are never, I mean never, reciprocated. Perhaps selfish of me, but there it is.) I don't know if that is "love" to him though.

He also usually, still, wants me where ever he is - until he doesn't anymore. That didn't make much sense. Ok, for example, when we're home together he wants me in the same room with him. However, not sure if my presence (quality time?) means love to him. And, however, when he decides he wants to leave he doesn't think to take me.

Not sure how to read this. Has he shut down the avenues for loving him? Does this go toward his depression or a feeling of being unworthy of love? Has he been trying to not allow me to love him? I'm going to have to give this some more thought.

Thanks for checking in with me.