Hi, I been lurking these forums and reading about other people's issues :(, we all sound so alike.
Her is my story H-36 (ME) W-34 M-15 years 3kids S8 S5 S1
On 9/17/2012 Wife gave me the I love you but not in love you with speech. She did this after i approached her about making our marriage better. I noticed over the last year things have been slowly getting worst (she would nag about everything i do). When I tried to talked to her, it open up a can of worms. She did a 180 on me. Gave me the speech of a typical WAW. She also told me she reached out to her old boyfriend (the day before i talked to her). This started an EA. Of course like any emotional H, i did all the wrong things (beg, plead, yell, scream, threaten, expose the Affair). Since then she stopped contacting the OM but i know she still wants to be with him (she just won't admit it but she won't deny it).
Its been about 3 week since she stopped contacting the OM but our relationship isn't getting any better. I have already started on the GAL and detach phase. Bonding with my children and trying to appease her love language (acts of service). I know i neglected her feelings over the years but never realized just how bad it was. But she even tells me its all the little things i ignored (things i know i can change). But you know "too little to late" speech.
No physical contact with her, we don't sleep in the same bed, but we are still in the same house. Her wedding ring is off but she wears another ring on her middle finger (its an old ring she bought during our marriage). I do not talk about our R unless she talks about it.
Lastly our in-laws have lived with us for the past 8 years, helping to take care of the children. Part of her compliant about me is the lack of respect i have with her in-laws. Don't get me wrong, i like them but I never felt like i disrespected them like she tells me. I know having in-laws living with us, complicates things alot. Her Parents are totallly against her on this decision because they believe I am good and we can work out the issues.
Fast foward to our Current state. -W wants to seperate but she also mentioned Divorce. I told her, I am not abandoning the house. Since then she hasn't mentioned it but i know she wants her space/time. -W says she is pissed at me for exposing the Affair, not sure if she can forgive me -W says at one point she did want to work on saving the marriage but i pushed her into this direction because how i exposed the Affair (not sure if this is true) -W hates me for turning her parents against her. I didn't do it, they live with me, they will ask questions about our R. But she can't see her own parents being pissed about this because its not the best decision for the kids. -W has repeated in the past about being with the OM, calling him her "soulmate"
Most recent discussion about R W wanted to talk about custody of the kids. I proposed since she wants to leave, i should stay in the house and kids will stay with me M-F (my job is flexible), Friday night she can pick them up and drop them off Sunday night. I am opposed to every other week or 2 days here, then 3 days there, then 2 days here. I want to give our kids the most stable environment, while it seems like she wants to be fair on how often she gets to see them. We both work, but like i said, i am most flexible in my job(i can work from home to watch our youngest). I also told her, she could take them M-F and I take them on weekends.
I told her, i needed time to think about this (weeks) because right now, the pain of not seeing the kids 24/7 is killing me. I already @ peace that she may never come back to me as a W, but the kids...i love my kids so much and my W(but i know i can make someone else happy one day, just wished it was her)
Question How do i handle the discussion of kids custody? Do i stick to my guns about the schedule since i feel its best for the kids?
Do I seperate my funds? Or wait till she makes the 1st move on seperating funds? I make the majority of the income.
Did exposing the Affair really force me to lose my last chance?
I am in it for the long hall, i do not want to abandon the marriage and I am ready for the emotional roller coaster ride. I already cried my eyes out for the last month (secretly). I read alot of books, read alot of forums.
Lastly, this really [censored]. Never in a million years, i thought this would happen to me. I imagined growing old with W...
