Do husbands actually do these things? Do they give "sweet notes" and hugs? Do they wash their wives' cars and do laundry? To me the questions were like some fairy tale scenario.
Mrsrjd,
I could have asked that same question myself...
My X, did that stuff at first on his own. At first, in the very beginning of our R. Then it stopped. I think, in part, because I stayed home so things like laundry and stuff was done by me. Unless I asked for help. I also think a part of it was modeled after the R he saw growing up which was that of his grandparents and that was a different generation, a different way of thinking. More Archie Bunker style.
What I have learned is that there are men out there who do that stuff. Or similar stuff. My BF is one of those men. I came home from being away for a week to find new tires on my truck. Coffee gets started (I'm the only one who drinks it) several mornings a week. Hugs are abundunt in our house.
Originally Posted By: Mrsrjd
Before the bomb I felt sure there was love but thought he was just a bad expresser.
I would probably agree with this statement. My X, loved me. In his way. He was just not able to express that love easily and figured that I "knew". He married me right?
Do your best not to get caught in this "he loved me/he loved me not" trap.
Your M was what it was. Can it be different and better in the future?
It is possible.
We do the best with the tools we had at the time. When we learn new tools, we do better.
Or you may go on and look for that "fairy tale" sort of love that does exist.
You never know.
I am curious, how did you express your love to your H?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
