How do we live "together separate"?

[mizjjd]

So in reading other posts yesterday I came across references to 5 Love Languages. I googled and went to the 5 Love Languages site where I took the test. I scored

Quality Time 10
Physical Touch 9
Words of Affirmation 8
Acts of Service 3
Receiving Gifts 0

But the test itself, the questions, were more revealing to me than the results. Do husbands actually do these things? Do they give "sweet notes" and hugs? Do they wash their wives' cars and do laundry? To me the questions were like some fairy tale scenario.

In my first post I "graded" our M as a C+ or a B. But if there are Hs out there who do these things, well I was wrong. Maybe he hasn't loved me ever? Have I been that stupid? For 20 years? Before the bomb I felt sure there was love but thought he was just a bad expresser.

That's what made the bomb so gut wrenching to me. Because I had worked so hard, for so very long - H is not an easy man to live with. But see it was all worthwhile, I thought, because "he loved me" and I loved him. A lot of the MLC behaviors have been status quo for YEARS with him - the distance, the moodiness, the coldness. But why? Why would he stay with me for 20 years if he didn't love me? Does that make sense? Wow, the more I "learn" the more confused I am.