stbx raised the issue of Xmas with me tonight.

I was amazed because he has never been a long-term planner.
It's only Oct - who thinks of Xmas lunch plans this early? Well, not him ever before, that's for certain.

But tonight he wanted to know what my plans were.
I said I hadn't thought about it yet.

So he said he wanted to take the kids for Xmas day lunch to his uncle's place (miles and miles away).

I said well, you can ask them. To which he got agitated and said that it wasn't up to them.
We were not 'chauffeurs and servants' for them. They had to do whatever we decided for them.

??????????

He then said that they were not accepting that we had separated - because they had refused to go out to dinner with him last week and have refused to visit him at his new house (OW's one bedroom apartment) - and that we needed to do everything separately in future.

I think he has had so little interaction with the kids over the last year that he doesn't know that they have accepted the reality of the separation. We live it every day, and both kids have said at various times that it would be easier if he stopped coming over all the time (he makes things so awkward).
Also, he seems to think they are still little children who can be ordered about against their will.


I can imagine what the response would be if I told my kids what they 'had' to do on Xmas day. They love Xmas and we've spent years developing various family traditions.

Back story is that we always have a big celebratory lunch at home.
Huge tree, home-made Xmas pudding (which we all cook together weeks before), grandly decorated room, best china, crystal and silverware, etc, etc.

And always - for every Xmas of my kids' lives, my aged parents (I am an only child) and childless aunt and uncle at lunch with us. Then we would go to his parents' for Xmas dinner.

And now stbx has announced that the kids are to come with him to his uncle's place for lunch. And he has put me in the position of having to say Yay or Nay.

How do i cope with this one?

At the time i just mumbled something about not having thought about Xmas as yet and changed the subject. I think Snodderly often suggests that mlc-ers are easily thrown off a potential tirade if you change the subject quite quickly. it certainly worked for me today.