Well Snodderly, it's sad but true at work they expect us to be Suzy Sunshine, as you put it, all the freaking time. Quite frankly, it's just annoying, I mean I have to be like that at home for the most part, so you know it'd just be nice to have a break. Don't get me wrong, I'm generally a positive person and happy, but if I'm not in the mood I don't want to feel like I have to put on an act, I really can't stand fake, and refuse to do it, also the families I work with are gonna know, they aren't stupid, and I know they wouldn't appreciate it either, so pretty much the office staff can shove it. I think I get this amount of overwhelmed when work starts over stressing me too.... I really am just exhausted. I really do miss ever getting a good night's sleep.

On a fun note, I have just watched episode 14 of Once Upon a Time (there are 22 in season one), I'm hoping to be caught up soon! That show really is super addicting! LOL

Lisa.7~LOL Love your epiphany moment! Also thank you for your support.

mrsrjd~ I'm so glad you can find inspiration here! My dear friend and I have often said I'm probably having more fun in his MLC than he is. Sometimes doing something fun and just for you really is the best medicine.... and don't feel guilty about doing it, because we've all earned it, that's for sure! grin Today will definitely be a better day because I will choose to make it one.

Dear, sweet T, you can always make me laugh, thank you, much needed! I can guarantee he wouldn't eat that cake if I made it (I have a bunch of co-workers who would though!). Hey anytime you decide to go wild and visit PA I'll make ya a chocolate cake with PB icing! LOL (That goes for anyone reading this.) On the chocolate PB note, I did make a really amazing chocolate, peanut butter mousse pie a couple of weeks ago, he of course didn't touch it, but everyone one I shared it with just raved about how great it was. LOL If fact my dear friend keeps asking when I'm making another.

Well T I'm thinking after last night he's not gonna be spending anymore time with me...... I have no idea what the hell his problem was but I really wanted to punch him in the face (which clearly I would never do because I don't have violent bone in my body)! Here's what happened.....

When he got home he asked if I had gotten my car taken care of (oh, btw we are back into super separating everything, he even asked if he could use "my" computer, to which I replied of course you can always use the computer.) I told him it had and handed him the paperwork. I told him what the guy had said about the transmission fluid, which I know nothing about, was just stating what he said. H flew off the handle, saying it sounded like he was trying to get money out of me, blah blah blah, I should ask the dealer, the fluid is fine. I did my very best at suppressing my rage, and said well I don't know anything about cars so I was just telling you.... at that point he yells at me, Whatever, I don't want to fight with you and storms out the front door (oh I beg to differ seems like that's EXACTLY what he wanted to do).

I stood in the living room and thought, oh heck no, he is NOT doing this. Well I guess he thought he would get out of talking to me if he stayed down in the garage after he took the trash can back down, no way did I let that happen. I did some deep cleansing breaths, attempted cool, calm and collected and marched my butt down there. He was at his car. I said, "I'm sorry if you are in a bad mood, but I was just trying to tell you what was said. Like I said I don't know anything about this stuff." He yells at me, "I'M NOT IN A BAD MOOD!" Spouts off more spew about the guy trying to take advantage of me and I need to be careful because I'm a woman (oh yeah, like I'm f--king helpless, wtf?) Then he went onto say he checked my transmission fluid and it looks fine. I just said well like I said I'm sorry if you are in a bad mood, I don't know what I'll decide to do, I'm not made of money, I was just telling you about it because it's YOUR car too." Then I went back upstairs. As much as I wanted to I did NOT slam the door, so go me! Oh I should add I had never gone to the place I had taken the car before, it's only a mile from our house and came to find out the man who owns it goes to the same church as me (I didn't mention that to H), and in the course of his suggestions I never once felt pressured into making an appointment, he always stated it's up to me he was just informing me. I think if he wanted my money like, oh say, the dealers he would have pushed me into doing it and even try to do it that day.... just my opinion though....

I went out with my dear friend later that evening and told her about the craziness. The theory she is standing by is that while he keeps saying he wants me to do everything on my own it pisses him off when I do and it goes well. She thinks he doesn't want me to need him at the same time he wants me to need him, thereby royally screwing any action I take because it will be wrong in his mind. IDK, any thoughts anyone?

Oh.... and I may have released some of my anger (before he got home) but throwing his toothbrush across the room repeatedly.... Kaffee if you still read this, I think you were the one who suggested using it to clean the toilet LOL, I didn't go that far.... but throwing it across the room was quite therapeutic grin .