I fuc!ked up on all those things and that has a lot to do with why I am here.
Geez that is valuable insight IF you are doing something about it.
What would be different now, and from this day forward if you were to reconcile?
What are you working on to change that equation?
Financial- As I was growing up I was never given any financial management skills, unfortunately it’s been a really steep learning curve. I am finally paying all my bills on time and I am doing it myself, something I haven’t done for years. I am not taking on additional debt and I’ve met with a financial advisor several times. I am learning to budget and I am much more cautious with my spending. I’ve finally become very cost conscious. I have a lot more respect for my money and I’ve come to understand that I don’t need to buy things for instant gratification. I’ve got myself on a couple of payment plans with creditors. I’ve become more responsible and I don’t brush these things under the rug anymore.
Confidence-This is a hard one for me, it was something I never really thought about. I am definitely a work in progress. Just being mindful of this shortcoming is a baby step towards improvement.
Sleep- I've had problems sleeping FOR YEARS and I've recently addressed it. I've been waking up about 10 times a night and I knew it needed to be addressed, which I did. I finally had a sleep study. The doctor diagnosed me with sleep apnea which surprised me because I thought it only affected overweight people. I am now learning that’s not true. They could somehow tell that I would start snoring and then the muscle in my throat would close which caused me to wake up. It’s now being treated so my sleep schedule is a lot more under control.
Conflict avoidance- I used to really struggle with this. I would over-think everything before I responded to people. I would almost do anything not to fight or stir the pot, that was my mantra. I am now doing a much better job voicing my opinion with others, being more assertive. I am not spending every waking moment seeking the approval of others. I am being a lot more honest with myself and others. I've worked really hard to get rid of my unhealthy, passive aggressive behavior.
This is a great post, rough!
Just reading this and taking it in should be a boost in your confidence. These are major movements.
Great job.
I also like the positives of W being gone, it does help to realize that there are positives and negative to everything in life.
Everything.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
"Furthermore, and I know of many here who lived it, SHE won't have any sense of urgency nor decisions to finally make UNTIL you move forward with the life that WILL happen without her. That is the thing that clicks in them. The only thing.
You can't tell her. You can't fake it.
You have to LIVE it."
^^^^^From AKhope. I had to steel this from AT's thread as a reminder. It's some truthful wisdom.
Yeah, I've been pondering this one for the last few days. I have to face my fears first. What you posted was great mate. I share a lot of the same fears (as I'm sure many of us do). I just don't know where to go from here. This might not be the best time for me to take life changing decisions. I'm kind of f&*ked up right now. But I know I'll need to get there somehow, soon. I feel like I've taken a major step back. What happened to the acceptance I thought I'd found a few weeks(days??) ago? Man, this is messed up. Sorry for rambling on your thread mate.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
"Furthermore, and I know of many here who lived it, SHE won't have any sense of urgency nor decisions to finally make UNTIL you move forward with the life that WILL happen without her. That is the thing that clicks in them. The only thing.
You can't tell her. You can't fake it.
You have to LIVE it."
^^^^^From AKhope. I had to steel this from AT's thread as a reminder. It's some truthful wisdom.
Yeah, I've been pondering this one for the last few days. I have to face my fears first. What you posted was great mate. I share a lot of the same fears (as I'm sure many of us do). I just don't know where to go from here. This might not be the best time for me to take life changing decisions. I'm kind of f&*ked up right now. But I know I'll need to get there somehow, soon. I feel like I've taken a major step back. What happened to the acceptance I thought I'd found a few weeks(days??) ago? Man, this is messed up. Sorry for rambling on your thread mate.
Hey Arsene,
We go through times when we are fu!cked up. They DO pass. I am in a much better place then I was a couple weeks ago however I know that can change since where on a roller coaster.
One of my low’s a couple weeks ago was pretty awful. Not only because of what W said but it was also hard because she kept stringing me along. She kept saying she wanted to talk with me, over and over again. It never happened but whatever because I can clearly read between the lines.
Denver told me it will get easier each time something like this happens. I believe he’s got an excellent point. Next time W throws me for a loop, I hope I will handle things in a better fashion.
I can be a bit blunt but you seem to attached Arsene. Things WILL NOT get better until you can let her go. We've been told this from day one. Easier said the done, I know buddy. Seriously though, I still have a ton to learn but I don’t think we should be in the freshman class anymore.
Sh!t, I just saw a recent pic of my W. She was looking smokin hot, a blonde bombshell. I swear she would give any Maxim cover girl a run for her money! Pointless post but oh well.
I fuc!ked up on all those things and that has a lot to do with why I am here.
Geez that is valuable insight IF you are doing something about it.
What would be different now, and from this day forward if you were to reconcile?
What are you working on to change that equation?
Financial- As I was growing up I was never given any financial management skills, unfortunately it’s been a really steep learning curve. I am finally paying all my bills on time and I am doing it myself, something I haven’t done for years. I am not taking on additional debt and I’ve met with a financial advisor several times. I am learning to budget and I am much more cautious with my spending. I’ve finally become very cost conscious. I have a lot more respect for my money and I’ve come to understand that I don’t need to buy things for instant gratification. I’ve got myself on a couple of payment plans with creditors. I’ve become more responsible and I don’t brush these things under the rug anymore.
Confidence-This is a hard one for me, it was something I never really thought about. I am definitely a work in progress. Just being mindful of this shortcoming is a baby step towards improvement.
Sleep- I've had problems sleeping FOR YEARS and I've recently addressed it. I've been waking up about 10 times a night and I knew it needed to be addressed, which I did. I finally had a sleep study. The doctor diagnosed me with sleep apnea which surprised me because I thought it only affected overweight people. I am now learning that’s not true. They could somehow tell that I would start snoring and then the muscle in my throat would close which caused me to wake up. It’s now being treated so my sleep schedule is a lot more under control.
Conflict avoidance- I used to really struggle with this. I would over-think everything before I responded to people. I would almost do anything not to fight or stir the pot, that was my mantra. I am now doing a much better job voicing my opinion with others, being more assertive. I am not spending every waking moment seeking the approval of others. I am being a lot more honest with myself and others. I've worked really hard to get rid of my unhealthy, passive aggressive behavior.
This is a great post, rough!
Just reading this and taking it in should be a boost in your confidence. These are major movements.
Great job.
I also like the positives of W being gone, it does help to realize that there are positives and negative to everything in life.
Everything.
Your ABSOULUTLY RIGHT Labug. Posting my fears, goals and upsides of W being gone has been extremely helpful. It’s helped with my confidence. It’s a baby step but I will take that any day! I must remain mindful of all these things. In my opinion it’s channeling my efforts in the right direction. I really appreciate all of your help. I've been going down the wrong path for a long time and all of you are very helpful at leading me down the right path.
Not sure if I added this to my upside list but it’s refreshing to know I don’t feel looked over anymore. Saying or doing the wrong things doesn't matter as much. It's my accountability. It’s allowed me to make my own choices. I am starting to see my old self come out and it’s been a really long time. Don’t get me wrong, reconciliation could eventually be on the table but I am working hard to convince myself that W’s gone. I don’t want to keep holding on. Some of my earlier posts talked about the power of HOPE and I know how powerful hope can be. Yes, I am confused because I keep flip flopping but I am working on not letting the negative energy takeover.
Not sure if I added this to my upside list but it’s refreshing to know I don’t feel looked over anymore. Saying or doing the wrong things doesn't matter as much. It's my accountability. It’s allowed me to make my own choices.
This is good Rough
I am starting to see my old self come out and it’s been a really long time.
Isn't he the one who got you into this mess in the first place?
Don’t get me wrong, reconciliation could eventually be on the table but I am working hard to convince myself that W’s gone. I don’t want to keep holding on. Some of my earlier posts talked about the power of HOPE and I know how powerful hope can be.
Don't give up hope mate. I think you are in a good place right now. The few words you exchanged with your W a week or so ago were good IMO. It took her by surprise and got her thinking. It's great not to have any expectations but don't give up hope and send her the wrong signals. One the one hand you tell her that you still love her and want to work things out and then you seem to want to show her that you are giving up on her (FB status). You planted the seed, now be patient mate, and be kind to her, and to yourself. She is clearly confused and that isn't bad right now.
Yes, I am confused because I keep flip flopping but I am working on not letting the negative energy takeover.
Good man. Keep that up. If it makes you feel any better, I'm confused as he11 right now as well. It would be great to be in the same city and be able to have this talk face to face mate. This is the kind of companionship I lack around here.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thanks a lot Arsene. BTW, previous to my hope comment I said reconciliation could still be on the table so HOPEfully that wasn’t misunderstood. Your post was great, I thought you were 25 for a minute.
Yeah, we will meet up some day brother, for sure. You gotta remember something though. There’s a TON of people in this world that would enjoy helping you. So many people that offer companionship, REGARDLESS of what country your in. Yes, I am not well traveled but I bet both you and I could find some good friends. The reason it wouldn’t happen is because of OURSELVES. We get in our own way, we get preconceived notions. We tell ourselves something that’s not true. Don’t tell me I am wrong bro, haaa. Take care buddy.
