Paperwork almost done, but not me!

[Grocerykartman]

Eyes,

As long as you keep in mind that this is about the kids and the family element, and not really about you, I think you're fine. It's another example of being strong for your kids and showing them that their 2 parents can get along during these times of year no matter what the marital circumstances. I think it's kind of a morphing process.

I don't think you want to simply cut out the family gathering element to Christmas cold turkey if you can help it. Holidays like this are not really the time to show your W a reality check. A nice reality check is on a random Tuesday night in April when OM and her get into a fight, she has nothing to do, misses her kids terribly on her off night with them, and you and your kids are busy out getting ice cream or something and she's missing out on it. That's when these things hit them.

Don't tell her that though. Let her find that out on her own.

Regardless, if you do wind up divorced, eventually, yes, an new OP will enter into the picture on the holidays. But just like you (or anyone) might in general question when to bring someone new around the holidays to meet their family, you and she can simply tread carefully if an OP will start to be around at holiday/birthday time.

You will likely not want to spend holidays with the OP, nor vice versa, though I have seen that before.

But if that time comes, you prep the kids in advance for how things will be different. You prep yourself in advance for how things will be different. You look back and say, well, I knew our typical family gatherings wouldn't last forever, but I cherish the extra ones we did get to have as family despite our circumstances.

I'd avoid looking too far ahead in the future on this. You really don't know what the future holds.