I wish I could make him see that contacting her is why he can't let her go and why he can't recommit totally.
Will he see an IC? Any individual counselor worth their salt will advise him to keep you BOTH at arm's length, while he figures HIMSELF out, so he can be fair to himself and to you and the marriage. Trying to decide what to do about a marriage, while there is a third person in it, is a recipe for disaster and any good IC will tell him that (and you won't have to).
