Husband (unfaithful) just told me he wants out.

[PeteWyo]

Bestgal, I read through your posts and felt compelled to respond. Your story is similar in many ways to mine. It was tough for me to understand in the beginning what was going on because it didn't make sense. Eventually I found out that there was another man in the picture and things started to make a little more sense. One of the more frustrating things to wrap my head around in the beginning was that she was the one that was having an EA (confirmed) and most likely a PA (no need to speculate but seems pretty evident) yet despite being cool, calm and collected and forgiving her, she still wanted to leave. With some time I actually detached and looked at what I could do to improve myself, for ME. To make me a better person for my next relationship, whether that was with my W or not.

I also dealt with the seemingly bipolar behavior where one day she was torn about what she wanted to do and the other she was set in her decision to leave. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. I believe it means that he isn't sure what he wants to do.

Are you sure that there still isn't another woman in the picture? If there is or there isn't, either way the trick here is to make him see that he would be a fool for not staying with you. But that requires making actual lasting changes in YOU so that you will be the best person you can be, for YOU. If he sees that and still doesn't want to come back, then that is his loss. At the end of the day you have way less control over what he does at this point than you think. You can only work on the problems you have control over.

Also, I read that you are worried about the statistics about women remarrying. Don't go polluting your mind with statistics and information from the internet. I did that for a long time in the beginning. For every statistic that says one thing I could find you one that says the exact opposite. There are plenty of people that get remarried (if it comes to that) and you are only your own worst enemy if you plan on sulking and view yourself as damaged goods. I went through the same thought process and ultimately if you end up in a position where you want to get remarried, you have to make sure that you are as happy as you deserve to be and people will be attracted to that confidence. Are you more afraid of being alone or being without your H? One of my new favorite quotes that I discovered throughout my journey says:

“Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you'”

I hope I'm not being harsh here, I just want to try and help because I have come a long way in my personal journey and DB really helped me to get there. I am not healed yet and I am not done, I may never be. But I am in a much better place now since I actually stopped trying to control the situation and took some time to fix some things in me that needed fixing. If not now, when?