About to separate....

[AnotherStander]

AT, any ideas on a good script for this? Simply, "W, separation isn't what I want but I support you and your decision?"

There's a really good example script in Love Must Be Tough. Let me know if you don't have the book and I'll look it up and type it here.

[someguy1233]

AT, any ideas on a good script for this? Simply, "W, separation isn't what I want but I support you and your decision?"

There's a really good example script in Love Must Be Tough. Let me know if you don't have the book and I'll look it up and type it here.

I don't have that book. If you could assist it would be appreciated! Thanks

[AnotherStander]

I don't have that book. If you could assist it would be appreciated! Thanks

No problem, here it is:

"Spouse, I've been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave. My love for you is so profound that I just couldn't face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can't be done. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I'm reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage and, obviously, I have to let you go. I'm aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in 1990 (or whenever). You are free to go. If you never call me again, then I will accept your decision. I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I'm going to make it. The Lord has been with me thus far and He'll go with me in the future. You and I had some wonderful times together. You were my first real love and I'll never forget the memories that we shared. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead."

This is of course just an example from the book to give you an idea. You can use it as-is, or chop it to pieces, or write something completely different. I originally planned on making a statement similar to this to W, but in the end it became a much more abbreviated version, basically "What I want is for you to be happy, and if you truly feel that separation is what will make you happy then I support your decision and will help you in whatever way I can. I will be fine no matter what happens."

[MrBond]

"I've been holding onto hope that therapy will help us reconcile. "

This is foolish thinking. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. You're still relying on her to change before changing yourself.

Detaching is one thing, but at the same time while you're detached, you have to be strong rebuild yourself and your image. Let her see a different person.

[dorightman]

Thanks Bond. You're right. The only problem is its gonna take time to change, she could very well leave before I can make significant changes! Well, I will do my best.

[dorightman]

Every night after we put the kids to bed, she refuses to hang out with me. She goes up to our bedroom and does her own thing. I can't tell you how hard this is on me. As much as I know I should give her space, it just feels so wrong to me. And it hurts. It's been like this for two months now. I feel like it will never end. I feel lonely and stuck.

[MrBond]

Then you go and do your "own thing". This is when you can start working on your changes. You can do it.

You can politely ask her if she wants something but you have to do it without expectations.

What changes are you going to be making?

[dorightman]

I'm reading all the self help books. Right now Im reading books on dealing with anger and how to raise children.

[dorightman]

We talked about the R this morning calmly. She said I only see in black and white, only see one outcome as good, and don't see the big picture, the positive of divorce.
Oh lord, gonna talk about it tonight in MC. She said that she never felt "in love" with anybody in her life ever! She seems really messed up to me, makes me question if i should try to reconcile. Makes me wonder if i could find someone who knows how to and wants to love.

[someguy1233]

Oh lord, gonna talk about it tonight in MC. She said that she never felt "in love" with anybody in her life ever!

This is just another version of ILYBNILWY. It's part of the same script. Right now she's in a place that doesn't allow her to remember the happy times. Try not to take it personally.