*She doesn’t know what to do. She again said she’s not running to a lawyer to get a divorce.
Good! I think this is probably because you've taken all the pressure off of her, so nice job on the DB'ing!
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*Her email exchange with her mom yesterday made her furious.
It's a great sign that she's not blaming you for this. An MLCer would find a way to make it your fault.
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*She asked how I’ve been and again commented on how I seem to be doing well. I told her that I’m taking this time for me and to work on myself.
Perfect DB response!
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She said there’s nothing wrong with me and that I’m not the “crazy one” (referring to herself). I told her everyone has something they can work on if they look inside themselves.
Another great response!
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She said I’ve been all “yoda like” being understanding and asking her how she feels (validation/empathizing seems to be noticed!!)
LOL! Don't think I've ever heard it put that way, but that's fitting!
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*She feels trapped In a cage.
That is straight out of "Love Must Be Tough". The challenge for you is to throw the cage door open and show her that she is NOT caged. So if she talks about S, you tell her you understand and you support her decision. I'm not saying you kick her out, just that you make it clear you will not interfere if she chooses to leave. Sometimes just seeing the cage door open is enough to keep a WAS from leaving.
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I have no idea how to handle separation. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I’m so confused.
It's just fear of the unknown. I had all the same fears. Once she leaves (if she does) and you establish your "new normal" you'll find out you can get by just fine.
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I don’t want her to leave the house…I’m terrified it will push us further apart.
Remember, she needs space and time. S gives her that in abundance. With time it may very well bring you closer together. Can't promise that, but sometimes S is needed to pave the way to reconciliation.
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She said another friend’s ex-husband forbade separation and her friend thinks they may not have gotten divorced if he hadn’t pushed her to make a decision.
There you go, pressure never works!
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* She said we need to learn to communicate even of it isn't for our relationship. She said we'll be in contact for years to come because of S, so we need to communicate better. I agreed and said that I saw this as one of our faults... We're horrible communicators and need to fix that either way. (I almost brought up Retrovaille. There’s one in our area in 2.5 weeks. This comment may be what it would take to get her there. What do you all think??)
That's a good segue to Retro. But if you do it, do not go in with any expectations. It's probably not going to save your M, but it may give you tools to do that down the road.
