best and worse thing to ever go through

[Grocerykartman]

Eyes,

On this, no!!! In my opinion, don't at all worry about the "great mom" part. Now, by no means overdo it with the great mom compliments, as you never want to overdo anything, but I think what you said is still fine. Because her being a mom is an independent statement from her being a wife. If at any point she 'wows' you down the road with fine parenting skills, I think you should always remember to say that to her. It's a parent to parent thing, not a LBS to WAW thing.

Furthermore, when you speak to your kids when you are alone with them, you need to frequently tell them their mom is the best mom. You need to be her biggest fan as far as being a mom is concerned. Like if you pick them up from school and they've made a craft for her you should try to, with a nice flow to your dialogue, say "wow! she'll love this...I'm glad you made it for her! Mommy really IS the best mommy isn't she?" Stuff like that. And you probably do this already, but I am here to tell you that this is a great example to set for your kids and a good way to help alleviate some of your fears you previously posted.

Lastly, I think you have the right idea with:

I think it is best to keep the routine we have. I know you want to do everything you can to protect the children, and that is what makes you a great mom, but this is their reality. We have to do what we can to help them adjust without confusing them.

It sounds like you've already been experiencing what I'm about to say. My XW would try to come over a lot just to "pop in" and see my daughter. That was extremely hard for my daughter. It's a tease for the kids. 1 of 2 people you love more than anything is here, and then she's not. More often than not too, I wholeheartedly believe it was because she missed my D, not so much because my D missed her. I'd be busy with D, her mind would be off things, then bam!, Mommy's here. D would light up like a Xmas tree, and then a couple minutes sink like she was in quicksand. I think it's very important you take a stand on this, though I am mindful of course that my siutation is of course not the same as yours.

I think you've done fine here.